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| image by Cecil Graat via sxc.hu |
I was three, going on four the first time I watched Stand by Me. My favorite scene was when Billy Hogan vomited and set a chain reaction of everyone else puking. I must have watched that scene two or three hundred times by now. I couldn’t remember the title so I always called it My Body.
When I was six I suffered a severe allergic reaction to antibiotics that put in the hospital for two years. It compromised my immunity system, such that I’d spend two, three months at time in the hospital fighting pneumonia or one infection after another.
Dad worked multiple jobs, while Mom took care of my younger brother and sister. They visited when they could, but more often than not I was alone most of the time. Books and movies filled the void.
When not stuck in the hospital I was imprisoned in my body, only going out to school and short bursts play before my asthma acted up. While everyone was out having fun I had adventures in my head. I’d pretend I was one of the Castle Rock boys, and this helped the loneliness.
It wasn’t until I was about 14 that my health improved enough for me go out and interact with other kids. But by then they had moved on to girls. That was the year I finally got what Stand By Me was about.
Coming of age was difficult enough in the late 90’s. Add in a breathing tube and the realization you’re attracted to other guys and you have a recipe for a cluster fuck if ever there was one.
I tried to ignore these new feelings and it seemed to work until I feel hard for my younger brother’s friend. He was 13 going on 14 while I was about to turn 16. Nothing happened because I was too scared to make a move. I got over my crush and moved on to other guys, and later girls too.
The scene that still gets to me is where Chris confesses to taking the milk money then gave it back. Only to have the teacher use it to buy a new outfit. It rips at my heart and puts me back into every situation an adult failed to protect me. From the librarian who threw me head first into a bookcase when I was 6, to the doctors who misdiagnosed me.
To this day I’ll pop on my battered DVD and watch the movie because it holds up so well. I still see so much of younger myself in Gordie Lachance. Later on in life I never had friends like the boys from Castle Rock, but you know what? That’s OK.