Category Archives: internet

The 15 People You Meet Online

 

3d illustration of computer technologies. concept notebook
Image by Kolobsek via sxc.hu

If you’ve spent any time on the web, chances are you’ve encountered at least one of these characters.

1.The Spammer
No matter what the conversation they will be there  hocking their product. Identifiable by their poor grammar and syntax. While most are programs now a days, you’ll meet the rare human spammer, who like all con artists tries to lure you in by stroking your ego.

2.The Troll
While this term has become ubiquitous in its application, it simply means one who deliberately attempts to derail a conversation by saying something inflammatory.

3. The Keyboard Commando
This is the person who posts all about how he/she would have handled the situation better. Never mind they have no experience outside watching movies, TV and playing video games. Derp they’re “experts.”

4.The Bully
Under the cloak of anonymity these people say things they never would in real life. Favorite past times include arguing about stupid shit no ones cares about and making death threats over the silliest things.

5. The Psycho
A close cousin to the bully these are ones who take things into the real world. Stalking, harassing calls and texts, they don’t know when to stop. Often found on dating and hook up sites they pass themselves as normal until you start to see cracks in their mask. No close friends or long term relationships, issues with boundaries and jealousy. And of course trying to control every aspect of your life. Run far away.

6. Casper the Friendly Ghost
These are people you meet who seem nice enough ,but then you never interact with them again, as if they  up and disappeared.

7.The Social Justice Warrior
These are people are  only about having their egos stroked under the guise of pushing for social justice for a marginalized group. Most often found on tumbler, instagram and twitter shilling for one politically correct cause or another.

They are found of spouting about peace, civility and equality. Unless you disagree with  their double standards, appeals to emotions and use of post modernist bs to prop up their fallacy ridden screeds.

Then be prepared for an avalanche of ad hominid attacks.Their favorite go-to being you’re the worst person in the world, ever. Oh and you couldn’t get laid in a whore house if you tried. If you haven’t figured them out in the first five minutes you deserve to deal with these pseudo-intellectual twats.

8. The Con
These posters create fake personas with the intent of scamming people with their sad stories. Other cons have faked having a terminal illness or being from an oppressed group. They then sit aback and bask in the money and adoration. There’s also Cat-fishing. Chances are if you meet a girl who looks like Megan Fox but is fluent in geek; she’s a man, baby.

9.The Addict
Be it sex, drugs, or drama these people have one thing in common. They love playing the victim and will drag you down to their level if you let them.

10.The Perfectionist
Otherwise known as Grammar Nazis. They scourer the interwebs looking for anyone not as learned as they and flame them for their lack of grammarian skills. While this is warranted in extreme cases. Like someone who doesn’t know  the difference between your and you’re; to, too, and two; or its and it’s. In general this is a smokescreen for their main objective: being a pretentious troll.

11. The Narcissist
They have nothing going for them besides a cute face or body and never miss an opportunity to talk about their favorite subject: them. With their pretty- than-thou attitude they’re the first one’s to start slinging ad hominid attacks then get butt hurt when they get called out on their bs.

12. The Bore
While nice enough, talking to a pet rock is more fun.

                                                                                                                                             13.The Basement Dweller                                                                                                                                         They have no higher aspirations in life than getting to the next level in WOW, or ranking up in COD. They often still live at home well into their 30s and beyond. They have more baggage than an airport and expect you to fix everything for them. Run a fast as you can.

14.The Newbie
Young dumb and full of optimism, their souls haven‘t crushed by the machine yet. They mean well but have no fucking idea who they are , what they want or what the world outside their pragmatic bubble is like. Give them a few years and their blinders should fall off.

15. The Pervert
These are the creepy posters who are  old enough to be your grand parents yet see nothing wrong with hitting on you. They never fail to turn the conversation to sex but are always quick to say they were “just kidding” when they cross the line and get called out on it. While there’s nothing wrong with talking about sex and sexuality,  what the hell does that have to do with the deficit or the new iPhone?