I Am Not Your Ken Doll

I Am Not Your Ken Doll

Introduction 

To the uninitiated, the most popular genre of books is romance—stop laughing.  These much-derided books rake in billions of dollars each year and have subgenres such as so-called Mommy Porn a la Fifty Shades of Grey, Paranormal Romance featuring werewolves and other creatures, or Portal Fantasies like the Outlander series.
In recent years there has been an explosion in male/male romance or M/M Romance to its ardent fans.  Heralded as progressive and ground-breaking by some of its readers, these can contain some problematic tropes and themes, which I’ll discuss in this post. 

A Brief History of M/M Romance 

M/M Romance traces its roots back to early fan ‘zines (magazines) in which the people would post fanfiction. To designate what type of story it was, writers used tags such as Kirk/Spock, which indicated a romantic relationship (later shortened to ship) between Captain and Spock. These early M/M Romance stories came to be known as slash fiction. 

With the rise of the internet and sites like fanfiction.net, archieveofown.com, and wattpad.com, slash fiction went electric. I fondly remember spending many a night reading Harry/Draco fics, among others, in my teenage years. Whole sites were formed to champion their OTP (one true pair), and much e-drama was had in the great shipper wars of the early 2000s.   

As social media sites like Twitter and Facebook sprung up, it allowed slash fiction fans to congregate and form their own groups to exchange story recommendations and post snippets of their original slash fiction.   

These early MM writers leveraged these sites to build a fan base and once the price of self-publishing fell, the number of original slash fiction grew exponentially, resulting in the multi-million-dollar business that we see today. But M/M Romance since its inception has predominately been written by and for allo cis het women. 

 For decades queer and trans males have been writing about male-male relationships and sex. Yet our efforts have been largely ignored by the mainstream unless it’s the some-old sob stories about coming out or queerphobia. So imagine our indignation when straight women appropriate our narratives—often without permission—as theirs, for their masturbatory aid no less.     

But this is nothing new, female manga creators in Japan and elsewhere have been doing similar for decades: it’s called Yaoi.  

Yaoi 

Yaoi a Japanese acronym of yama nashi, ochi nashi, iminashi, which loosely translates to  no plot, no point, no climax, no point. It along with shounen ai (boy love) form a subgenre of anime/mange that focuses on male-male relationship. Shounen Ai focuses more on the relationship, while Yaoi deals with sexually explicit material. Like M/M Romance, Yaoi and shonen ai are created by straight women for straight women, and contain many of the same problematic tropes and themes as M/M Romance as there is overlap between the readers of both. 

The Cis Het Female Gaze 

In both media, the male form is subject to the cis het female. Just a cursory google of Yaoi and M/M Romance covers reveals the prominence given to attractive male love interests. From their bulging biceps and washboard abs, to their chiseled good looks and allusions to their sexual prowess and masculinity, these aren’t your average dudes.  

No these are gods ready to suck and fuck at a moment’s notice, because reasons. The beauty standards for these men are beyond ridiculous; they’re always some fireman/cop/soldier/supernatural creature or celebrity who’s smart, sensitive, charming, funny, sexy, good in bed, and often rich.  

This trend of making the love interest super attractive, often to the point of looking alien or androgynous is so common in Yaoi and Shounen Ai, that the term bishounen (beautiful boy) was coined to describe it.  

Fantasies being what they are, I understand wanting to watch at hot dudes hook up, trust me. However, we aren’t objects to be mashed together like Ken Dolls for your entertainment.  

Not Your Ken Doll 

The biggest problems I have with some women who write M/M Romance is they get it wrong. Often what happens in these stories reads nothing like actual queer male relationships. These stories would have you believe queer men sit around talking about our feelings all the time, when we aren’t fucking.  

Often these men act and think like a straight woman’s caricature of queer and trans men. Sure we can sensitive, but more often than not we have issues expressing emotions due to toxic masculinity and being raised in oppressive environments. This is even more so if, like me, you’re or QTPOC li who grew up hearing fag thrown around as the ultimate insult, because it was worse than being a bitch (read woman). These nuances are lacking.  

The other issue these M/M Romance writers get wrong is love and sex.  

Let’s talk About Love 

Love is love, but queer male relationships have different dynamics than straight one; primarily that we have to worry about whether to come out to friends and family, and if we engage in public displays of affections and risk being assaulted or worse.  

 While straight people can openly explore their crushes from young ages, we queer men often have to wait until college or when we move away from home to start dating, resulting in an arrested development when it comes to forming relationships. We also have to deal with internalized homophobia and biphobia, which further hinders our ability to form healthy relationships and can cause or exacerbate mental health issues like depression, anxiety and other mood disorders.  

All of which means men in same-sex relationships come to the table at different stages of life, making it even harder to form and maintain a relationship. Yet, seldom do M/M Romance writers acknowledge these complexities. And don’t get me started on the sex scenes. 

Let’s Talk About Sex 

Love interests with little to nothing in common are smooshed together like dolls, and in the worst cases you have writers who copy and paste heteronormative stereotypes on to these relationships. For example, several clichés borrowed from Yaoi show up in these stories, such as having the smaller, younger, more sensitive man be the receptive partner, while the older, taller, more masculine partner is the penetrative partner. 

Not to burst anyone’s bubble, but queer male sexual dynamics aren’t fixed. Partners often switch roles and often have open relationships. Also, anal sex isn’t the epitome of our relationships. Some couples only do oral or are only into masturbation or frottage.  

Sexual incompatibility is also thing.  

Every queer guy can tell you once you bring a guy home it’s not a sealed deal. You could both be tops or bottoms or he might be too big or small for you and vice versa. Then there’s the issue of condoms. To use or not to use? Do you have any? Are they the right brand? Lube is a whole other quandary.  

And once that all dealt with you have to worry about whether he/you can get it up and keep it up.  It’s a regular comedy of errors.   

Yet M/M Romance writers would have you believe all two guys need to hook up is a little spit and the semi-privacy of a bathroom stall or abandoned classroom. Exhibitionism may be some people’s kink, but I prefer comfort when hooking up. Just saying.  

All of these things result in the story and characters not ringing true, but my biggest issue with some of the M/M Romance writers is they perpetuate harmful tropes and stereotypes, which I’ll explore next. 

On Tropes and Stereotypes 

 

Dubious Consent (dubcon) and Conconsensual Sex (noncon) AKA Sexual Assault 

The fact I have to point out why it’s wrong to frame the sexual assault of anyone as positive should be obvious, yet here we are. In these stories one of the love interests assaults the other.  

In some books this is a single occurrence; in other it’s an ongoing pattern. In both cases, instead of this permanently ending the relationship, it bonds the couple. And they live happily ever after, often with the assault survivor giving birth to his assaulter’s child. Because male pregnancy (mpreg) is a thing.  Just NO. 

  Women have complained about this trope in straight romance, so then do these women M/M Romance writers think it’s okay when dealing with two men?  

It’s not, and anyone who tries to defend this trope and the people who continue using it are persona no gratia to me.    

Has the #MeToo Movement taught us nothing? There’s no gray area when it comes to consent, and to pretend otherwise is beyond repugnant. 

Fifty Shades of Gay 

Following in the path tread by E.L. James, these stories feature BDSM, physical, emotional, and sexual abuse billed as kinky sex. The problem with this as above is a lack of consent. You can’t just haul off and smack someone or chain them up and whip them without their consent and a safe word.  

You also can’t manipulate people into engaging in your kink by coercing them or abusing them until they agree. It’s a breach of trust to do so and “hey it’s fiction,” isn’t an excuse. 

 If you’re not going to take the time to research this stuff, then don’t include it. Being a dick to someone to get your way isn’t sexy, it’s abuse. And abuse of any form is never cool. 

Gay for You 

In these stories two otherwise straight guys hook up and then go on there way. The problem with this trope is manyfold. First it’s steeped in homophobia and reinforces  the stereotype that people choose to be gay.  

While sexuality is fluid and can change over time, people don’t wake up one day decide they wait to experiment with their same gender. This is usually something they think about awhile because of homophobia. 

Also, the concept of two straight guys having sex with each other is an oxymoron. Straight guys don’t have sex with others guys unless they’re  desperate and no woman are around, they’re being paid to do it, or they’re bicurious/bisexual. The whole concept of two straight guys having sex is a hold over from slash fictional and in itself is rooted in homophobia because these men are often hyper masculine. Because heaven forbid they be the least bit feminine and ruin the fantasy that these men might want the women reading about them. 

 Which leads me to my next point. 

Gay for You often engages in bisexual erasure. Seldom do these men discuss their sexuality, and if they do it’s some form of “I’m straight but gay for you.” Sorry but if you’re attracted to your same gendered, then you aren’t straight.  

The Alpha Male 

Often overlapping with Gay for You, in these stories only the manliest of men will do, be they soldiers, cops, firefighters, lumberjacks, or literal alpha males in the case where they’re werewolves. Again the issue here is homophobia, coupled with internalized misogyny. Specifically, the notion that effeminate men aren’t sexually appealing and couldn’t possibly work in those fields is a projection of their misogyny. Furthermore, the notion that queer men can’t be both effeminate and enjoy traditionally masculine pursuits is just wrong. Sexuality has no bearing on what activities or field we choose. These stories perpetuate tired cliches about queer men. We come from all walks of life and enjoy a variety of activities. Yet you wouldn’t know that from these stories. This brings me to my next point. 

But not too Black 

A cursory search if M/M Romance covers will reveal pages upon pages of ohunky white guys with alone or with their equally attractive white love interest. QTPOC rarely grace these covers, and when they do they often either light-skinned or biracial as nearly always paired with a white love interest. Seldom do you ever see two QTPOC on the cover. This is because of racism pure and simple. M/M Romance, like the larger romance genre and publishing as a whole, has a race problem. Specifically, that QTPOC are treated like tokens, only there for diversity points, rarely the protagonist, and when they are, they are written to the white gaze. 

My problem with these stories is two fold. First, it’s unrealistic; contrary to what the LGBTQ+ community may have you believe, racism is a big problem in the community.  

Often QTPOC are made to feel unwelcome in white-dominated queer spaces and organizations. In the former, we are subject to having to show multiple forms of ID to get into clubs or refused entrance due to selective enforcement of dress codes.  

Moreover, sexual racism exists and some gay white males will go as far as putting “whites only” in their profiles, passing this off as just their preference.  

On the reverse side you have white males who fetishize POC, reducing us to objects. I can’t tell you how many white guys have hit on me, asking if the stereotype about Black guys having larger penises is true. Just stop. 

So when, I read stories where the QTPOC love interest is a passive character, I just shake my head. This isn’t woke; it’s patronizing tokenism that turns QTPOC from three-dimensional people into plot devices.  

Speaking of plot devices let’s move on. 

Manic Pixie Dream Boy and Magical Negro 

Like its female counterpart, the Manic Pixie Dream Boy (MPDB) only purpose is to improve the life of the protagonist by being his muse/love interest. This reduces the MPDB to a one-dimensional plot devices. This makes for bland reading. But when the MPDB is a person of color, it’s down right offensive. 

When characters of color only serve to advance the stories of the white characters this both further tokenizes them and makes them the other. And when this happens to Black characters it  veers into the racist trope of the magical negro. Magical negroes not be magic; they just have to give the white characters sage advice and/or help them some other way while having no arc of their own. Whether intentional or not, but tropes are lazy writing and the latter is highly offensive.  

Queer and trans people of color aren’t spices to be added to your bland potato salad. We have hopes and dreams outside aspiring to be the love interests of generic white dudes. So if you’re going to have a POC love interest make them whole people with arcs outside advancing the goals of the white protagonists. 

The Bad Boy 

These flouters of societal norms often overlap with the Alpha Male and Fifty Shades of Gay tropes and are problematic for a few reasons. First, they are often abusive and manipulative, traits that should never be romanticized as intimate partner abuse is a real and rarely-discussed problem in the queer, trans male community. Because internalized queer-phobia and toxic masculinity, men are reluctant to report abuse, allowing predators to their abuse. 

Second, this trope glamorizes criminals as sexy and fun; in actuality criminals are violent, erratic, and selfish people who make for horrible love interests. 

The Jock 

The jock trope is all about a jock who’s queer, is the best at his sport, but can’t or won’t come out. This is problematic because these stories are built upon queer phobia.  

Are there many out athletes? No. Precisely because stories like these continue framing being queer as something shameful to be hidden. The truth is being LGBTQ+ will stop being an issue when people stop stigmatizing us and our relationships. 

Conclusion 

I want to close by stating I don’t hate cis, het, white woman M/M Romance writers, so don’t @ me with #NotAllMMRomance. 

  I’ve enjoyed reading several slash authors on fanfiction.net, archiveofourown.com and other sites online and enjoy Becky Albertalli’s and JC Lillis’s books, the latter being my favorite M/M Romance writer.  

But I take issue when people with little to no connection to the community come in without asking permission and appropriate our narratives, badly at that. Then they want kudos for doing so. As if they should be rewarded for including QTPOC, when that should be a given. 

I’m not saying you shouldn’t write your M/M Romance, just don’t expect to be praised for doing so, especially if you include the problematic tropes listed above. Nor am I saying you can’t read these books, but don’t expect me to read them and not call out the issues I have them.  

In an ideal world M/M Romance and own-voice writers could exist in their own ecosystems, but M/M Romance writers have flooded the market, making it harder to find said own-voice books, let alone sell them. 

If M/M Romance writer care about QTPOC, then stop elevating yourself and instead champion own-voice works. 

Thanks for reading. Let me know your thoughts in the comments.