10 new Terms for the New year*

Introduction

Everyone is familiar with common euphemisms such as law enforcement officers, administrative assistants, and sanitation engineers. To further clarity and reduce offense, I have proposed a new series of such terms. Look them over and share your thoughts.

1. calorically challenged: As opposed to “fat,” “overweight,” and “obese” which carry negative connotations — especially for the latter, which sounds like a disease — this term reflects the reality that most people struggle with their weight due to issues with their caloric intake versus output.

2. coitus technician: “Prostitute” and “hooker” are such dirty words and belies the expertise and craftsmanship that’s involved in sex work. Also, because prostitution is legal in Nevada, this term reflects they are professionals like any other working person.

3. sexual explorer: “Slut” is a troublesome word because of the double standard attached to its use and the shaming that goes along with it. However, sexual explorer conjures up images of sophistication, liberated sexuality, and fun.

4. augmented reality specialist: Unlike “actor,” this term is gender neutral and describes the modern state of acting as more computer generated content replaces the need for people.

5. truth dilation and contraction management: While it’s often joked politicians are professional liars, especially in the post “alternative facts” era, this term better describes their behavior. All campaigns are about crafting a narrative for the candidate by exaggerating the positives and suppressing the negatives.

6. an aesthetically acquired taste: This is a much better term than “ugly” or “homely” and reflects that beauty is subjective and there’s someone out there who will like you for you.

7. financially marginalized: This term is much better than “poor” and encompasses the full spectrum of our economic strata.

8. job insecure: This doesn’t have the baggage of “unemployed” and sounds more pleasing to the ear. It’s also reflective of the often uncertain job landscape.

9. Technophobic: Much better than “Luddite” or “troglodyte” and accurately describes the fear many people have of embracing new technology.

10. non-melanated: This has none of the contentious history of “white,” is better descriptively, and centers BIPOC.

*Note: The above is satire.