Bad habits are hard to break, and for me it’s biting my nails. No what I do goes beyond that. I pick at the cuticle, twisting and pulling until it’s bloody and raw. I chew away until there’s nothing left for my teeth to reach. Then come the tweezers and clippers to finish the job. In the past the compulsion to bite my nails rendered them a festering mess.
My parents tried everything from keeping my hands covered to putting hot sauce and other bitter substances on them, but they didn’t work. At the height when there was no longer any finger nails to worry away, I turned to my toenails, going so far as to rip one of the nails from the toe.
Over the years I’ve gotten better at resisting the urge to do this but it still happens especially when I’m nervous or stressed out. It always starts the same. My foot gets to tapping, which leads picking.
Picking leads to biting which results in hang nails and more picking until I have to get the bit of offending skin and nail out. Sated I can go back to what I was doing before the urge struck.
If I had to pin point when this began it was probably when I was 7 or 8 and came in response to not having any control over myself. The pain served as a release valve for everything I kept bottled up.
As I’ve gotten older I learned to vent things in more constructive ways like working out and writing. Though I don’t bite my nails to same degree I’ll still find myself with the obsessive need.
So what bad habits do you have and how have you tried to kick them?
Does anyone else suffer from allergies? In additions to medications this past year has been a rough one for me with regards to seasonal allergies. Some mornings I’m fine, others I wake up with a stuffy or runny nose and can barely get my eyes open.
Sometimes I had to spend entire days with one or both eyes closed because of the intense irritation and photo sensitivity. OTC medicine has helped but it something that still crops up. yesterday and today my right eye has been acting up. But you know what?
I’m writing anyways, because I’m not going to let my allergies stop me from keeping on task. Sure the headaches and eye strain are annoying, but I write through it because a little bit of pain or discomfort doesn’t get to me.
So often you read about how people struggle to find time or inspiration to write, and while that is true, it’s also true that anything worth having in life you have to fight for. And that means sacrifices have to be made.
I don’t know what your issues might be but if you want to achieve your goals then that means working through the pain. I don’t just mean the physical, but the emotional and psychological pain as well. Since getting serious about being a writer many issues that I thought were behind me keep popping up.
Anger, abandonment, control issues, and other baggage from my childhood get dredged up when I write. At first my response was to tamp them down and I’d freeze up until I was calm. But I’ve since learned you can’t do that because it saps your energy and will sabotage you every time. So now when all those past issues come up I write through them and channel those past hurts into my characters.
While a cathartic experience it doesn’t address the root issue, which is why I’ve began journaling to get out these emotions and maybe help others who are going through similar experiences. I never tried to do this before and don’t know if I’ll succeed, but I’m giving it a shot anyways.
In the past I’ve pushed people away and didn’t see any value in relationships beyond what I could get out of them. I prided myself on being cold and detached, above the petty concerns of those ruled by their emotions.
The truth was I was the one ruled by my emotions. Too scared to feel anything lest I lose control or get hurt. So I deluded myself into believing I didn’t feel anything at all.But my emotions are still there, buried under the wall I built to insulate myself from the world.
No man is an island unto himself. Humans are social creatures and you need to be around others. I try to be sociable though I often find myself in awkward situation and missing social cues. It’s so easy to retreat behind the walls I’ve built, but I don’t want to be that person anymore.
If you want to change the world and have an impact on people you can’t play it safe. You have to take risk and get out those walls you built. It’s not fun or easy, and there will be times you don’t want to do it. But do it any ways because the end reward is greater than staying in the place you are right now. Sometimes you have to work through the pain to get where you need to be.
Have you ever read a story and put it down because you couldn’t stand how spineless the protagonists was? I don’t know about you but if the characters never stand up for themselves and constantly play the victim it’s an instant deal breaker for me.
Whenever I write fiction I always try to have strong characters. Now this doesn’t mean they never stumble or go through dark times. No, when they go up against obstacles they grit their teeth, bear down and overcome it. When people read my work I want them to leave inspired and empowered.
So often I read stories or see movies about LGBTQ characters who are just punching bags for the world. They just sit there and take the abuse dished out to them. Just once it’d be nice to see a story where they fought back.
I don’t mean only in the literal sense, because often that’s impossible when you’re being bullied by multiple people. But they can still turn the tables some other way. They could tell their parents or school officials if they’re kids, or contact the police. And if none of those work they could pursue legal action. The point is to be proactive. Do something, anything, but sit there and continue to take it.
I understand that for many people coming up LGBTQ was hard and they still have emotional baggage that bleeds into their work, but the cumulative affect of this is that it tells the younger generation they are worthless and don’t matter. Fuck that shit.
You don’t have to populate your stories with super heroes or Adonises for them to be strong characters. The greatest strength we have is the will to get back up again, no matter how many times life knocks us down. Just give me one character who demonstrates this and I’m happy. Why can’t we have more theses?
There is geometry in the humming of the strings, there is music in the spacing of the spheres.
Pythagoras
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/p/pythagoras386262.html#UgxmRA6opZwUMF2X.99
One of the things that inspires me is math and physics. When I was younger I loved to learn and gravitated towards physics in high school. I used to hate math until I fell in love with its beauty in college.
At first I hated doing proofs, until I turned them into a game. I knew what answer was. It was getting there that was the challenge. I struggled but also found I enjoyed the process. The world seemed to slip away and it was just me and the numbers.
I spent hours studying and working extra problems at the end of the chapter to get the concepts down. While some of it was boring I discovered the beauty and simplicity of numbers had a calming affect on me.
I found myself slowing down to prolong assignments so I could continue to enjoy the serenity of it all. As I gained more proficiency my proofs because more efficient and elegant. What used to take entire pages, only took a few lines.
When I took calculus I discovered I could do most problems in my head, though it was simple addition and subtraction that tripped me up. Integration by parts was a head ache but I mastered it after long hours of study.
Calculus gave me a deeper understanding of how to think and a greater appreciation for the things you’re capable of if you challenge yourself. I find myself longing to crack open my old math books and see if I still have it.
When I look out into the world, among the chaos I see order and reason in the laws of physics that govern us. That the ever changing tide of events can be reduced to equations, rather than being cold or clinical I find great joy and comfort in this knowledge.
The laws governing the heavens equally apply to us. The beauty of numbers is beyond measure, for they link us and the rest of the universe. We are the children of stars and once we die our atoms will return whence they came, and the great cosmic dance will continue.
Introduction
Science doesn’t know everything, nor does it claim to. However it is the best and most accurate method we have for understanding how the universe functions.
1.Facts are subject to change
As new information becomes available our knowledge must expand to incorporate this data. Far be it from being a weakness, this ensures what we know is accurate.
2.Information Paradox
New questions are raised when attempting to answer old ones. In this way we will never “know” everything. Rather than being disappointing this gives us unlimited areas to explore.
3. Omniscience is boring
At the turn of the last century it was said all there was to know about physics had been discovered. Then Einstein and others came along and changed the game. If there were no more questions to answer the world would be a stagnant dead place.
Conclusions
Because there are gaps in our knowledge doesn’t mean you can insert whatever supernatural or new age crap you want. Nor does it mean you should askew learning new facts. After all were it not for science many of the things you enjoy today would not exist.
Every situation in life is a learning experience. It is a daily choice to make decisions and live with them. No matter the outcome, right or wrong, we are learning and if we are learning than we are succeeding …everyday.
– Kirsten McCormick
Right now I’m in a transitional phase. I’ve migrated my blog from blogger to to a personal WordPress site and it’s a bit of a headache figuring our how to customize things and get it the way I want.
While it has been a struggle figuring things out, like how to set up an archive page, that aha moment when I figure it out makes it all worth it.
This process has taught me so much. Not just in terms of patience but also seeing things through until completion. I must have spent a five or six hours total trying to work the bugs out, and while there are still things on my to do list, I’m not stressing about it.
Part of life is dealing with challenges as they come so instead of hanging my head about not being an expert in WordPress I’m going to keep chipping away until I am proficient . Sure I could have shelled out the extra cash for the hosting company to do all the work, but then I wouldn’t have the satisfaction of doing it myself.
Over the past year I challenged myself to get serious about writing. And though I’ve fell in ruts since then I’ve found my grove and keep my promise to write something every day. So I’m also going to learn something new about WordPress everyday and set weekly goals to accomplish related to it.
My question to you is what things have you been putting off because you don’t have the time or patience to learn how to do it? Let me know in the comments sections and together maybe we can hold each other accountable for reaching weekly goals.
In an effort to foster a better relationship with you the reader I’m trying something new. Send me your questions and comments and I’ll answer them. I want to know what you want to see more or less of and what type of content would help you best.
copyright silentbutcudly 2013 at silentbutcudly.blogspot.com
The way we perceive time is an illusion. Far be it from a constant stream, our memories about events is a mishmash of the truth mixed with how we wanted things to have happen.
The past is immutable, no matter how much we want to think otherwise. Things weren’t easier or better when you were younger, you were. The world wasn’t all rainbows and gum drops, you were naive.
We all have regrets but that doesn’t mean we should be a slave to them. Learn from your mistakes and move on. It’s pointless to try to change the past because then you would change yourself. Who you are is the sum of all the events that have shaped your life from the moment you were born.
We all have goals for the future but remember it’s in constant flux, so we must be open to the prospect that our plans must change if things don’t work out the way we want them to.
This doesn’t mean you stop dreaming or setting goals. No, it means being realistic about achieving them. If you find yourself in your thirties without a contract maybe it times to give up your dreams of being a professional athlete. Likewise if you’re pushing fifty maybe it’s best you give up the notion you’re still a young stud.
Cognitive dissonance is a trip that can delude us into believing things which aren’t true because they are comforting. “I can stop drinking anytime I want to,” says the alcoholic. “I don’t have a problem,” says the drug addict as she sells herself for that next hit. The point is whether you want to believe it or not the truth remains the same.
So often we get stuck pinning for a past that never was and a future that may never be we miss out on what’s happening in the present. This moment, right now is all we have. For better or worse it’s what makes up the bulk of our life.
We can drift from one millstone or achievement, or we can choose to live in the present, acknowledge the past and the lessons it can teach us, and shape the future the best we can. I thought I had everything figured out and then life came and threw those plans out the window. I’m a control freak but I’ve learned to adapt on the fly and live in the moment. The question is: do you?
copyright silentbutcudly 2013 at silentbutcudly.blogspot.com
When you look out at the Young Adult market you see an over saturation of books about females. As a male reader I have no problems with female protagonists, as long as they’re likable, independent and the story is enjoyable. However the majority of Young Adult novel I’ve seen have all been about contrived relationships, as if that’s all the matters.
Sorry but I can’t stomach another paranormal romance, or a girl who moves to a new town and meets the hottest guy ever. Maybe it’s because I’m approaching my thirties and am too jaded by this point. But would it kill you to have stories without trite tropes like the ubiquitous love triangle, or the girl who falls for the bad boy or the deep, mysterious guy?
The reason I like stories with male protagonists is because they don’t get bogged down in pointless soap opera dramatics over who likes who, unless its a male/male romance which I have tons of issues with for the same reasons, but that’s another post for another time.
If female readers crave these types of stories, OK more power to you, but don’t expect me to like them. I have zero patience for characters whose only obstacle is which hot guy to go out with. Give me a rock solid, humorous, and enjoyable story that’s well written and I couldn’t care less if the main character were a gelatinous blob from Uranus.
What I do take issue with is this notion that males don’t read as much as females thus why the YA market is dominated by books about females. Has it ever occurred, that this is only true of a segment of males and not the group as a whole. And that the reason could because there are so few YA books for them?
It’s not just the romance angle or books about cancer and dying that turn many guys off. It’s the lack of stories about what it means to be a male in our modern society.
This isn’t a call for women to “Get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich.” It’s a call to all those out there who want to criminalize male behavior as inherently sexist. Just as women needed and have created their own spaces, so to do males. The problem is any space designated male only is now labeled misogynist.
When guys get together it’s not the He-man women hating club that many make it out to be. By and large we just want a place we can be ourselves without worrying about saying or doing something wrong and being branded the worst person in the world, ever. Yeah we can be rude, crude, and idiots at times, but at our core we just want to have fun.
I’m all for equality which is why I think female authors should be more inclusive of male readers. After all male authors are expected to do the same with female readers. Sure keep the romance, but make it a subplot to an interesting story if you expect us to read it.
copyright silentbutcudly 2013 at silentbutcudly.blogspot.com
Yes I’m bi and no that’s not a lie, so I can stay in the closet and hide.
No, I don’t sleep with anything that moves. By the way, I’m not confused, or don’t know which hole to choose.
No, I’m not greedy. Yes I can commit. And I’ve had it up to here with your shit. Excuse me, but don’t act surprised because I get pissed when you insist I don’t exist.
By the way, I’ve lain with other guys, but that doesn’t make me gay. No matter what you say.
Wait!
I’ve dated girls too, but that doesn’t make me straight.
Don’t hate.
How many times must I explain before it sinks into your brain? What’s so hard to comprehend?
The gender of my date doesn’t determine who I choose as my mate. By the way, if it’s not clear let me spell it out so there’s no doubt.
I don’t fear being queer, so don’t jeer when you hear, “I’m bi.” Whether it’s women or men, in the end love’s what it’s about. And that’s what counts.
copyright silentbutcudly 2013 at silentbutcudly.blogspot.com
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