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Et Harum Qidem Rerum

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  • Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa.
  • Ut enim ad minima veniam, quis nostrum exercitationem ullam corporis suscipit laboriosam.

Quis Nostrum

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Ut Enim

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Who said that? SURE you can die! You want to die?!

Keep your mind limber. Rorschach would say you have a hard time relating to others. Somehow, I doubt that. You have a good heart, Dexter. This man is a knight in shining armor. Keep your mind limber. You all right, Dexter?

Born Free

Watching ice melt. This is fun. Oh I beg to differ, I think we have a lot to discuss. After all, you are a client. I’m real proud of you for coming, bro. I know you hate funerals. He taught me a code. To survive.

  • I love Halloween. The one time of year when everyone wears a mask … not just me.
  • Finding a needle in a haystack isn’t hard when every straw is computerized.

Take It!

I’m going to tell you something that I’ve never told anyone before. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. Like a sloth. I can do that. Cops, another community I’m not part of. I’m really more an apartment person.

Father Knows Best

You all right, Dexter? You all right, Dexter? He taught me a code. To survive. I’m really more an apartment person.

  1. Cops, another community I’m not part of.
  2. I’m doing mental jumping jacks.
  3. I think he’s got a crush on you, Dex!
  4. I’m really more an apartment person.
Popping Cherry

I think he’s got a crush on you, Dex! Cops, another community I’m not part of. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. He taught me a code. To survive. I think he’s got a crush on you, Dex! Watching ice melt. This is fun.

An Inconvenient Lie

I’m generally confused most of the time. Rorschach would say you have a hard time relating to others. I love Halloween. The one time of year when everyone wears a mask … not just me. I’m really more an apartment person. Somehow, I doubt that. You have a good heart, Dexter.

You can see how I lived before I met you.

Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. Saving the world with meals on wheels. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?

Vincent and the Doctor

*Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas? You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME!

  • You’ve swallowed a planet!
  • The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.
  • The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.
  • No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more greatness.

Army of Ghosts

I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. No, I’ll fix it. I’m good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I’m the Doctor. Don’t call me the Rotmeister. I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks! It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself. You know when grown-ups tell you ‘everything’s going to be fine’ and you think they’re probably lying to make you feel better?

Planet of the Dead

*Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. No, I’ll fix it. I’m good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I’m the Doctor. Don’t call me the Rotmeister. You’ve swallowed a planet! The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant. I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship.

  1. You’ve swallowed a planet!
  2. No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more greatness.
  3. It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’!
The Long Game

No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more greatness. You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! You’ve swallowed a planet! You know when grown-ups tell you ‘everything’s going to be fine’ and you think they’re probably lying to make you feel better? Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME!

Midnight

Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. Did I mention we have comfy chairs? You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool.

Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn’t make sense. But, okay!

What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?” First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. Michael! Marry me. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

Afternoon delight

Steve Holt! Across from where? Really? Did nothing cancel? It’s a hug, Michael. I’m hugging you. I’m a monster. That’s why you always leave a note!

  • That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’
  • I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it.

Ready, Aim, Marry Me

Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer. Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough. Marry me. Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.

Pier Pressure

I’ve opened a door here that I regret. We just call it a sausage. I care deeply for nature. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?”

  1. Marry me.
  2. Really? Did nothing cancel?
  3. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun.
  4. Across from where?
  5. We just call it a sausage.
Pier Pressure

Whoa, this guy’s straight? There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want this thing smelling like fish. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun.

Good Grief!

Guy’s a pro. I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it. Get me a vodka rocks. And a piece of toast. I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer.

How do you know she is a witch?

Well, how’d you become king, then? Well, Mercia’s a temperate zone! I dunno. Must be a king. The Knights Who Say Ni demand a sacrifice!

What… is your quest?

Burn her anyway! Now, look here, my good man. What do you mean?

  • Camelot!
  • Burn her!
  • We want a shrubbery!!
  • Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I’m being repressed!

I’m not dead!

Why? Found them? In Mercia?! The coconut’s tropical! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! We want a shrubbery!!

Bridgekeeper

Burn her! On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place. I’m not a witch.

  1. On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place.
  2. Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
Help, help, I’m being repressed!

Where’d you get the coconuts? And the hat. She’s a witch! On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place. Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! How do you know she is a witch?

What… is your quest?

…Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place. Burn her anyway!

Spare me your space age technobabble, Attila the Hun!

But with the blast shield down, I can’t even see! How am I supposed to fight? Don’t be too proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force. I want to come with you to Alderaan. There’s nothing for me here now. I want to learn the ways of the Force and be a Jedi, like my father before me.

The Rebel Force

I need your help, Luke. She needs your help. I’m getting too old for this sort of thing. I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan– I want to come with you to Alderaan. There’s nothing for me here now. I want to learn the ways of the Force and be a Jedi, like my father before me. Oh God, my uncle. How am I ever gonna explain this? Ye-ha! The Force is strong with this one. I have you now.

  • I care. So, what do you think of her, Han?
  • Your eyes can deceive you. Don’t trust them.
  • I suggest you try it again, Luke. This time, let go your conscious self and act on instinct.

Return of the Jedi

The Force is strong with this one. I have you now. Don’t act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you. Red Five standing by. Ye-ha! I suggest you try it again, Luke. This time, let go your conscious self and act on instinct.

Imperial Star Destroyer

I can’t get involved! I’ve got work to do! It’s not that I like the Empire, I hate it, but there’s nothing I can do about it right now. It’s such a long way from here. The plans you refer to will soon be back in our hands. Hey, Luke! May the Force be with you. You don’t believe in the Force, do you?

  1. I need your help, Luke. She needs your help. I’m getting too old for this sort of thing.
  2. Don’t act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you.
  3. Look, I ain’t in this for your revolution, and I’m not in it for you, Princess. I expect to be well paid. I’m in it for the money.
The Phantom Menace

Don’t be too proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force. What good is a reward if you ain’t around to use it? Besides, attacking that battle station ain’t my idea of courage. It’s more like…suicide. I call it luck.

Rebel Mission to Ord Mantell

No! Alderaan is peaceful. We have no weapons. You can’t possibly… The Force is strong with this one. I have you now. A tremor in the Force. The last time I felt it was in the presence of my old master. I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan– I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan–

And from now on you’re all named Bender Jr.

I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV! Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Radioactive Man

Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.” What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway. You don’t win friends with salad. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!

  • Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.
  • Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico?
  • Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.

Rosebud

Ahoy hoy? I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!

Cape Feare

Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box… Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.” Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark. “Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion. I didn’t get rich by signing checks.

  1. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.
  2. This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.”
  3. When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun.
The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show

I hope I didn’t brain my damage. Jesus must be spinning in his grave! Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box…

Duffless

I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction. I was saying “Boo-urns.” Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*