NaNoWriMo

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. –Lao-tzu

What do you do on the days when nothing seems to mesh? Do you sit there and stare at the blank screen, or do you make the choice to write anyways?

There’s no secret method or app for this. You must put words to the page everyday if you want to better your skills and honor the craft. With NaNoWriMo coming up what better time to recommit yourself to writing.

This will be my first time attempting it and I’m a little scared. But I’m going to plow through my fears because I know I have a good story in me that needs to be told. And so do you.

First drafts are mysterious, often crappy, creatures by nature. The point is to get the words on to the page and worry about spelling, grammar, punctuation and structure later. Just write.

Right now I’m stressing out on have to start my novel because it’s the second of a planed trilogy. My gut says just write a passage linking the end of book one with book two and go from there. But I also don’t wont to bore readers by rehashing the ending of the first book.

I don’t know what to write but I know I can’t put it off either or I’ll fall behind. So when Friday comes I’ll write what feels right and go from there.

I’d be much obliged if you shared some tips for a newbie in the comment sections.

Later.

 

image by Stancu Alexandru via sxc.hu
image by Stancu Alexandru via sxc.hu

Just Write

image by Stancu Alexandru via sxc.hu

Just write and the words will come. Just write until you’re done. Just write, and have some fun. Just write, whether the crack of dawn or dead of night. Just write, whether the words are wrong or right.

Just write, through the storm and the rain, through all the pain. Whether plain or insane let your prose flow. And like a rose your confidence grows. Just write and wrong or right let the words fall where they may. Just write every day and soon you’ll say, “Hey I’m not so bad. In fact, I’m quite OK.”

Just write because every day is a new chance to make amends with our faults and flaws, because in the end all we have are the words we put to the page. Just write because it’s all that you can think of. Just write not for fame or to run a con game, but because you love it all the same.

Just write for the hell of it. If no one knows your name there’s no shame as long as you have something to say at the end of the day. Just write because it’s the one thing that makes you complete. Just write even when managing a few words is a feat. Just write because it’s neat. Just write until you fall asleep.

Just write because deep inside a part of you dies every time you have to lie or hide who you are just to get by. Just write until you die. It doesn’t matter why, just write. Good night.

 

How to Influence People and Make Friends Without being a Dick

“To thine own self be true.” –Shakespeare
How often has the above been pounded into our heads? But what does it really mean?

How can you be true to yourself if you have no idea who you are, or what you’re capable of?

The truth is most of us don’t have a clue about our identities until we hit our thirties,or beyond. For most of our lives we play at different roles, trying on one mask after another until we find one that fits.

Raise your hand if you remember going through one of these phases during high school or college. It’s OK. We all have our moments. I went through a goth phase in high school where I only wore dark clothing.

I abhorred anything thing that was name brand because I was trying to be so indie and cool by not be a conformists. But you know what I realized?

By trying to be a nonconformist I conformed to the notion of what it meant to be a nonconformist.

I traded one label for another and had become another demo toe b marketed to. The truth is the things you wear or the products you have don’t define you. It’s your thoughts and actions that do.

You can spend a life time chasing after a label in hopes of finding an identity or you can let your real personality shine through, and let that speak for its self.

Yes it’s scary to let others see who you are at your core but it’s also rewarding. Because when you’re at ease with yourself nothing can rock your confidence and people will notice it.

In the past when I went I used to be the guy that sat in the corner and glared at everyone for having fun and not inviting me. I was so on the defensive because the thought of someone seeing the real me and getting rejected was my biggest fear.

It was only after I stopped caring what others though that I began to loosen up and have fun. And you know what I discovered?

When you stop trying to impress others and just have fun people respond positively. Sure you’ll still get the occasional jerk but overall being open and fun makes for a better time.

You can be open to new things and people without sacrificing your core values and still be fun to be around. Don’t be a dick and dickish things won’t happen to you.(Tweet that if you want to).

Step one is to open yourself up. Wear comfortable clothes and if you have a song or mantra that gets you pumped up, listen to that before you go out. Realize it’s more about how you carry yourself than anything. So go into any meeting or outing with an air of calmness around you.

If you start to feel nervous repeat to yourself you’re here just to have fun and whatever happens, happens. You’d be surprised how not giving a fuck often leads to the best times out.

The key is to be approachable and go with the flow. If you get shot down move on. There’ll be plenty of others to meet and everyone’s so sloshed they wont remember you anyways . So go get some.

The Audacity to Hope

What makes for good stories? Why do we decide to read one thing but put down another? Why do we like one character and not another? The answer boils down to how we are able to identify and empathize with the characters and the trials they’re put through.

Every time we open a book we’re looking to be entertained, but more importantly to know we’re not alone, that we matter, and that there’s hope for better days.

When you write something there’s no telling how much it will affect others once you release it into the world.

Our job as writers is to hold up a mirror to society and report on what we see. The worlds we build are a reflection of this, wrong or right, and we should never forget the power we hold to raise people up or tear them down.

This doesn’t mean we should shy away from negative things because life is full of them, but is also full of positive things too. How our characters deal with the challenges in their life speaks volumes more than anything else. Are they victims or victors?

Everyone loves an underdog because deep down we’ve all been on the short end of life and wish that the world rewarded hard work and playing by the rules, and that nice guys finished first.

Cliched as it may be the truth is even the most hardened cynic hopes for a happily ever after, that good triumphs evil, and the boy gets the girl.

Though we know it’s foolish to believe in things like love at first sight and destiny we still hope none the less things turn out as they’re supposed to.

Yes hope is the reason we get up every day and go once more into the breach. The reason we rise even though the world throws us a ton of crap. Hope is the reason we answer no when we are told to give up.

So often we’re told to be realistic which translates to giving up our dreams and giving up hope.Well I say forget that because at the end of the day all we have is our hopes and dreams.

Never let anyone take them from you because sometimes just sometimes, with hard work and a lot of trying, dreams do come true. If you dare to hope.

Update

Sorry I haven’t been posting that much this week. My allergies has my eyes a blurry mess, though I manage to write a few posts on my smartphone.

Therapy has been going well and we’re getting to the core of this. It’s not easy but I know it’s for the best. My meds had been knocking me for a loop the past few months though I’ve adjusted to them and should be back on a normal sleep schedule.

Last night I went out with my writing group and we had a blast. It was the perfect thing to improve my mood. In between crude jokes we talked about progress on our projects. Overall it was nice besides the food which was so-so, but I’m glad I went.

Right now I’m in this transitional in my life and in my writing. I don’t want to spent the rest of my life waiting on the sidelines because I’m scared of what might happened. I also don’t want to play at writing anymore.

Yeah I finished two books but so what. It’s time to put myself out there more so from here on out Friday and the weekends will be devoted to short stories, essays, and poem writing.

I probably wont be posting as often because I’ll be spending more time on work I think is more important than this blog but I will continue to write everyday and if I feel it’s good enough you’ll read it here.

As such I’m opening submissions for guest posts to fill the vacancies. The criteria is simply: 100-300 words or more(depending on the topic) on any topic that relates to the writer life, inspires or motivates. Well that’s it, later.

A Writer by Any Other Name

image by Stancu Alexandru via sxc.hu

The are many aspects to writing but the most difficult one is the art side of it. You can spend years learning the technical side yet fail to be a great or engaging story teller. For some this can get better with practice , for others not so.

It’s something we all must wrestle with. The only way to know either way is to produce and then perform in public. When I write I first care about whether it’s something I would read then let the characters take things from there. While I outline and do tons of research  it’s the getting from point A to B that the art side kicks in, often taking the story in directions I hadn’t foreseen.

My point is no one can teach you to be a writer, you either are or aren’t. But they can show you how to be a better one. If you’re like me then you’ve read countless articles and books on the subject of writing preparing for the day you’re ready for the pros, but you know what?
That day will never come unless you write. Sure that’s basic you say, however it’s often the hardest thing to do. Everyday I  write something and it doesn’t matter whether it’s good or bad. The point is to write  and learn something from the process.
There are mornings writing will be the last thing on your mind but  do it anyways because like everything else you’ll only get better with practice.
Today I didn’t know what I was going to write about,  much less did I want to write, but once I sat down and got to it the words came pouring out. This isn’t magic it’s because I put in the time consistently.
So let me leave you with these words of advice: if you want to be a writer own it and write something and share it. Why not here in the comments section?

More

Am I the only one who is sick of the places for gay/bi guys? Why is it that the moment you log in you’re bombarded with ads for porn and sexy toys? What happened to platonic relationships? All you see is a sea of NSA and fwbs.

Why is that because your into dudes you have to sell your self like a whore on the corner? Where are the sites where people build each other up instead of treating each other like pieces of meat?

Am I the only one who’s sick of random sex with strangers? What happened to dating and getting to know someone before having sex so it means something?

I’ve had my share of hook ups in the past, and you know what? I want something more than a few minutes of pleasure. I need emotional content, the kind of sex that only comes from knowing your partner inside and out.

For this reason I’ll remain abstinent until the right person comes along. You can do your own thing but right now this is want I feel is right for me.

 

Fears

image by Stancu Alexandru via sxc.hu

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” –FDR’s first inaugural address

Lately I’ve been feel off my game. The meds I’m on make me drowsy and have been messing up my sleep schedule. I’m in this in between time where I’m transiting my blog from being just another in the sea of blog about writing to one that helps people. And let me teal it’s scary.

But the only way to grow is to branch out and try new things. I don’t know how things will turn out, but I do know if I don’t overcome this fear I’ll regret it and get fed up with writing again.

One of the biggest obstacles we as writers have to face is ourselves. Every morning you have to make the decision whether you write something or play around.

While both have their place in the writer’s life if you want to affect others you have to produce work that goes beyond the mediocre and grabs the reader by the soul and never lets go and that’s hard work.

The problem is a catch twenty-two. If no one reads your blog why bother right, but if you put the time into your work people will appreciate when they find it. Your job is to produce the best work you can and with a lot luck and hard work you’ll reach the right audience but this something that may take years.

So unless you’re in it for the long haul do something else because that fear never goes away. You just get better at dealing with it. Fear of a thing gives it power over you; if you want to succeed then reclaim that power and use to write your magnum opus. Yes you may stumble along the and even fail but you will never get anywhere as long as you let your fears control you.

 

 

Therapy Thursday 2

Last weekend I went to my Parents’ house to celebrate my 29th birthday. Nothing unusual about that, until my sister showed up. My youngest nephew, Marcus, was sick and by the en of the weekend every one save me was too.

However come that Monday I wasn’t feeling good and by Thursday I was running a fever, hacking up phlegm and had achy joints.

It reminded me of when I was a kid and get sick because I had the weirdest dream. There I was in a white void with hundred of me. Then one of them in a janitor outfit came over and told me he was a replicant sent to guide me, and in order to get out I’d to confront my shadow selves.

One by one I did until I woke cover in a cold sweat an joints throbbing.
While still dazed from the dream I wrote down the basics and now know how book two of the Phoenix Diaries will begin.

Often times I find some of my best Ideas com to me in dreams, and the more vivid the dream the better the idea.

I still feel a bit off so I’m going to rest up the rest of the weekend and hit the gym on Monday and see how that goes.

Due to a scheduling mix up I didn’t have to pay for therapy this week and my date was changed to Wednesdays at 1:45.

While therapy is a place for me to vent I do want goals for going there. First I want to get to a place were I’m not always worry about what ifs and always on the defensive when going to new places or meeting new people.

I also want to address childhood abuse and how that has influenced relationship and sexuality. I want to get to a place where I can have a long term relationship if I choose to with out all the trust issues.

Another issue is put together a plan to get my license back so I can be mobile thus removing my dependence on parents and public transit and allowing me to meet more people. I know all of these can’t be accomplished at once but it’s get to get them down so I have a framework to deal with in future sessions.

That’s it for now,

well later.

I Will Not Bow

All is lost again, but I’m not giving in. I will not bow. I will not break. I will shut the world away. I will not fall. I will not fade. I will take your breathe away.
—Breaking Benjamin, I will Not Bow

 

When life gives you lemons make lemonade, play the cards life dealt you, and a thousand more sayings which all boil down to: life isn’t easy so make the best of it. Everyone is different, but at our core we are the same and experience the same things as we go through life.

The difference is in how we handle the rough patches in life. Are they challenges for us to overcome and learn from, or they obstacles for to hold us back?

The choice is yours.

For the longest time I went through life viewing every rough patch as another obstacle in a long line of set backs. I was a victim and blamed everyone else for my troubles. Then I had an epiphany.

No one is responsible for how your life turns out, except YOU!

You can view the world as a hostile place with people out to get you at every corner, or you can choose the see the good in people while remaining a realist.

The point is you have to be the source of change in your life. You have to take those first steps and continue moving forward making the best decisions you can.

No one is going to hold your hand all your life. You have to find the strength to carry on everyday. And most importantly no one can use your talents or the gifts given to you.

You have to be the one to use them or lose for good. When you’re lost or scared look inward and you’ll know what to do.

The 10 People You Meet on Public Transit

If you’ve spent any time on public transit then chances are you’ve met one of thee people below.

10.The Mouth
You hear him/her long before you him/her. Their loud mouths are their defining trait. If they’re not on their phones you can bet they’re engaged in one conversation or another. Be sure to pack your ear plugs.

9.The Hustler
No matter what they’re selling you can be sure there’s some funny business involved. Avoid unless you like having your money ganked. Often will try to get out of paying bus fare with one scheme or another.

8. The Wannabe Gangster
He talks a big game, but when it comes down to it no body is afraid of this loser.

7. The Crazy
Easily Identifiable by his/her disheveled looks and tendency to talk to invisible people, approach with caution. Sometimes it’s impossible to avoid them and if you must interact keep contact to a minimum.

6.The Jesus Freak
Often overlaps with above these people will never miss a chance to turn the conversation to Jesus. Either tune them out or turn up the tunes.

5. The Cutie
Occasionally you’ll come across this person and be struck with cupid’s arrow. Good luck trying to talk to him/her. Having no ride is such a game killer.

4. The Clown
Often overlapping with The Mouth their reason for being is acting a fool. (S)he is mostly likely to raise the ire of the bus driver and get ejected. Failing this ignore these fools and they will simmer down.

3. The Whiner
These professional victims look to complain about how messed up their lives are and will to whomever lets them. Let wallow in their pity parties and move on.

2. The Average Passenger
The majority of the people you meet, just wants to get off the bus and go home. Generally keeps to themselves and avoids as much drama as possible.

1.The Driver
Woe be upon those who get on their bad side. I’ve

seen them go from calm to livid in a matters of seconds. Tread lightly unless you enjoy walking home in the snow or deathly heat .

Belle Isle

Though my childhood was rough their were light patches sprinkled throughout. I remember the trips we took to Belle Isle: all of us scrunched up in Dad red Nissan, doubled, sometimes tripled up on each other’s lap.

My favorite part was going through the tunnel of orange lights. Once we  reached them I knew it was only a little bit further until we got there and I could play.

We’d build sand castle and swim at the beach. We’d also barbecue in the half oil drums turned grills.

I can still remember the sight of smoke wafting off them. The smell of hot dogs, hamburgers and sides of ribs cooking and the smell of barbecue sauce fills my nose as I remember this.

And when that wasn’t an option we’d ride the giant slide. Waiting in line felt like forever, but really had to have been only ten, fifteen minutes tops. We’d pair up on the straw mats you had to ride on and of we went. The rides always seemed to be over in an instant.

When you’re a kid things are skewed. Minutes seem like years and a week is an eternity in kid years.

On one trip I remember every time my uncle and his girlfriend went into the water the sun went behind a cloud. I got mad and thought they were responsible for ruining a nice day at the beach.

Looking back on this now I laugh. I couldn’t have been older than five when this happened. Aw, the folly of being a kid, when the most innocuous of things could bring you delight or fright. That magical time when you believed everything and knew nothing.

But I’ll never forget one memorable trip.

We’d stopped at Popeye’s Chicken on the way there and the seagulls were out in full force circling above us. Things were fine until my sister Sherrie stuck our a drumstick and a gull dive bombed her and pilfered the piece of poultry from her hand. She cried until Dad gave her another one and told her not to do that again.

As I got older trips to Belle Isle became fewer until we stopped going at all. In its place were trips to the mall or other places to shop. When the sweltering heat got too much to bear we headed to Rouge Park and their public swimming pools.

The chlorinated water stung your eyes and burned your throat if swallowed some by accident. They made you shower before entering the pools ,but must of us only splashed some water under our arms and that did the trick.

Digging for Gold

image by Stancu Alexandru via sxc.hu

Introduction

I just got back form the gym and I’m tired and achy, but I feel alive. Often you hear stories about how you must write every day, preferably a thousand words or more, but how often have you heard the truth?

Quality not Quantity

Those thousand words, or whatever your goal is, will seldom win the Pulitzer. But you keep at it every day doing a bit better than yesterday and when you look up there’s that article, or WIP you’ve been meaning to complete, all finished.

Anyone can write every day, but not everyone can make it count. You have to sift through those crappy pieces to find bits of gold that will become your magnum opus.

Be a Hoarder

Save everything you write because you never know when that phrase or paragraph will come in handy later. Also this is a good exercise in charting your growth as a writer. I’m often amazed, good and bad, at pieces I wrote earlier. Especially in terms of how my outlook on life has changed as I’ve gotten older.

Once is a Fluke. Twice, a Coincidence. Three Times, a Pattern Emerges

If you find yourself writing about the same topic maybe it’s time to collect those pieces and begin writing a book or find new topics to write about.

Conclusion

Fret not. What you write isn’t as important as how you write it. We all have off days, the important thing is to keep trying until you strike literary gold.

Peaks and Valleys

That which doesn’t kill me, only makes me stronger–Fredrick Nietzsche

Life is full of peaks and valleys, the trick is to enjoy the good times and hold on to them in the bad times. It’s easy to get caught up in your hurt or anger and stew in your emotions until you’ve become a bitter old prune.

It’s up to you whether you let your set backs define you or you pick yourself up and try again. It’s easy to give up before you’ve started. Trust me I know.

I used to criticize everything but never offered solutions and was a general downer who was never satisfied with anything.

But then I made a choice to stop complaining and start doing. Anyone can talk a big game but when it comes down to it not many can back up their words with actions.

I’d been calling myself a writer yet didn’t write or only wrote in sporadic bursts when it felt right.

That is until I made a commitment to the craft and discovered Jeff Goins’s Tribe Writer Program and within three months had finished my first novel and began work on my second one, which I just finished.

I’m not going to lie, there were rough patches along the way and I stumbled, but it was in those dark times I learned what I was made of.

Anyone can shine when everything goes your way the but the mark of true determination is doing what you’re called to do when everything is against you.

Yes, keep your goals realistic. But also dare to dream because otherwise you’ll churn out mediocre crap. There will be times you want to quit. Don’t.

That’s when you dig in and find that inner strength to carry you on through.

Don’t see obstacles as road blocks but as learning experiences. With every set back or rejection letter you learn something and your writing gets betters.

image by Benjamine Earrwick via sxc.hu
image by Benjamine Earrwick via sxc.hu

Parents

Sorry for the lack of updates this weekend. I”m at my parents’ house and didn’t have the password for their Wi-Fi until today. Anyways, it seems like nothing has changed besides we’ve gotten older. My parents still have the same fights about money and my mother not having her cigarettes.

They wanted me to come to celebrate my birthday. I turned 29 this year and feel ancient. Yeah I know I have a while before that happens but there’s no denying I’m not as young as I used to be. I’m losing my hair and it’s getting harder to lose weight and keep it off, but that’s life.

I guess the main reason I’m writing this is because it seems like every time I go to my parents I revert back to being that kid who was afraid to  assert himself. I find myself retreating inward when I spend time with them and use my iphone and computer as added barriers between us.

I know they care about in their own warped way, but I find myself getting annoyed at my mother for smothering me. No I don’t want anything and if I did I’d get it myself. No I don’t need to go anywhere dad and If I did I’d find a way to get there with burdening you.

I guess the main issue is me resenting being treated like a kid and taking it out on them, though part of me thinks they’re just buttering me up to ask for money. It’s been about four or five years since we had a huge fight about them treating me like an ATM and I cut off contact with them for six months.

I’m always on edge on when it comes to discussing work and money because I know how people change once they find out you have more than the average person. I’m not Mitt Romney rich but I’m comfortable for the most part.

If I had to analyze it I’d say this is part of my larger issues with trust and abandonment. I fear being used or rejected by people once they know the real me. So I choose which face to show them and how much information to give them.

Most of the time I wear one mask or another, only taking it off when I’m alone in my house. Everything is a careful performance, one false not and the illusion is shattered.

I’ve begun taking off the mask with my critique group, therapist and others, but it’s hard and sometimes I’ll revert to old habits. I know perfection is a habit and that in order to get to a place where I don’t view everyone as a potential threat I have to do the hard work and keep at, especially when things get tough.

Wow, I didn’t intend to write this much but I guess I had more things on my mind than I thought.

Later.