Author: silentbutcudly@hotmail.com

Wandering In the Dark: My Mental Health Journey

Introduction

Content Warning: depression, self-harm, suicidal ideation, alcohol abuse, and references to child physical abuse.

Welcome!

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, so apropos of that, today’s post will be about my mental health journey.

Suffering in Silence

I was six years old when I had my first hallucination. I was in the hospital for an unrelated allergic reaction to Penicillin and Dilantin and the doctors switched me to another antiseizure that caused me to think a giant spider had captured me in its web and was trying to kill me.

In my frenzy to get away, I shredded my bedding.

Afterward, they prescribed me carbamazepine, which I’ve been on for 30-plus years. However, from then on, I saw things that weren’t there, off to my left. These hallucinations would come and go, playing like channels flipping on a TV. I told no one about them because I had enough issues going, such as being bullied at school and my parents constantly beating me every time I acted out, without being crazy.

Kid me wasn’t the brightest and all this added to the displaced anger I had over the life-changing side effects of the allergic reaction I mentioned above (namely, being rendered effectively mute and having a breathing tube that made me the target of kids’ teasing).

So, I bottled everything up inside until it got too much for me.

I was 9 years old the first time I thought of killing myself. I was in the hospital, as I always was in those days, and had to have my blood drawn again. Taking the crude metal blank they used to stab your fingers in those days, I planned to silt my wrists.

However, the tech took it from me when she realized I had it and that was the end of that.

As I progressed to middle school, the bullying intensified, and I thought of killing myself often. Then the summer I turned 13, I had my first major depressive episode and lost interest in everything. My parents thought this was hilarious and laughed about it, so I stopped telling them anything about my problems.

It was also around this time I was struggling with my sexuality, which compounded things. I internalized everything and only allowed myself to express anger, often breaking things or getting into fights with my siblings, all of which earned me a beating from my parents’ thick brown leather belt.

It Gets Better . . .Kind of

At 19, I went off to college, started dating and hooking up with guys and the occasional girl, experimented with weed and alcohol, but my anger issues and other problems were still there. At one point, my depression got so bad I rarely left my dorm and failed most of my classes. Then at 20, I moved on my own and started using sex and alcohol to self-medicate myself and started cutting myself. I made a half-assed attempt to get help from one of my university’s therapists, but I wasn’t ready. So, I spent the first half of my twenties getting white girl wasted every weekend and hooking up to feel like I was normal and loved.

Psych Ward, Ho

Then the year I turned 26, I had a psychotic break.

It began with a personality change; I went from shy and quiet to a literal frat boy. And the hallucinations I once ignored, became all-encompassing. I believed I was the Antichrist and that all the conspiracy theories about the Illuminati, the 13 bloodlines and 500 families who ruled the world, were true and I was one of these higher dimensional demons.

I wound up in one facility for a week before being released and then wound up in another for several months after the police found me in only my underwear walking along Woodward Ave. After tasering me, they took me to St. Joseph Mercy Oakland hospital near my house.

The doctors diagnosed me with paranoid schizophrenia and prescribed me antipsychotics, which helped with my hallucinations and delusions of grandeur to the point I could function.

At the end of my stay, they sent me to outpatient therapy, but because I had aged out of my father’s insurance plan and exhausted COBRA insurance, I couldn’t afford either my meds or therapy (Note this wass pre-ACA).

The Lost Five Years

I spent the next five years in a daze, not knowing what was real and could barely function. I’d go weeks without bathing, stopped caring for myself in general, and became a shut in, rarely going out or socializing in person or online. It was so bad at one point I stopped paying my bills and my heat was shut off during winter and my pipes burst because it was so cold.

I would have continued living like this had I not sought help.

A Light at The End of the Tunnel

As I approached 30, I realized I hadn’t accomplished anything I’d set out to do, and this triggered a quarter life. Slowly, I cleaned up my life, sought therapy and help from a psychiatrist, got on and stayed on meds for depression and schizophrenia, and pieced my life back together.

I haven’t had another psychotic break in the 8 years since I started seeing my psychiatrist. But I have had several episodes of depression over the years, and there were a few times I thought of killing myself, but a few adjustments of my meds helped sort me out.

My life isn’t perfect by any means, but I’m doing much better now compared to back in my twenties.

My hope is that by hearing my story it helps you.

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health issues, know help is available. If you’re in the USA contact, the national suicide prevent lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or TEXT GO to 741741 to reach a trained Crisis Counselor through Crisis Text Line, a global not-for-profit organization. Free, 24/7, confidential. Help is also available at afsp.org or TEXT TALK to 741714.

IF you’re LGBTQ+ and in crisis, contact thetrevorproject.org for more resources geared toward you.

mental health mental health awareness month

Character Profile: David Green

Introduction

Welcome,

This week’s post is a profile of David Green, pone of the minor characters introduced in my novel Palingenesis. He’s BFFS with Jason, and Josh (one of the three POV characters).

Description

His full name is David Adam Green. He’s 16, 6’2, 210 lb of solid muscle, with brown hair and eyes. He has a lip ring and his right eyebrow pierced.

Personality

David loves hooking up with girls, pulling pranks with Jason, is big into hip hop and Black culture, and is a chill dude to be around. He takes his education seriously, often having to tutor Jason, and is a regular attendee of his local synagogue. He’s also big into gaming, working out and staying active.

Likes

He loves video games, rap music, and going to Detroit to hear up-and-coming artists; and exercising by working out, jogging/running, and hiking in local metro parks. David also loves making people laugh at his pranks and antics, even if he must play dumb. He’s also big into going out with Jason to pick up girls. And when he can get away from his family, he loves cutting loose by going to parties and smoking a fat blunt.

Dislikes

David hates having to be the model student, big brother, and mensch, and wishes he could do what he wants in life without worrying about disappointing his family or rabbi.

Goals

David’s number one goal is saving up to get a car, so he, Jason, and Josh aren’t stuck riding the bus anymore. Second, he wants to become a politician to change things, but will get a degree in something practical like law or medicine to appease his parents.

Desires

David wants to change the world for the better, to help his community, and be happy. He also wants to live his life the way he wants, free of expectations from his family and religion.

Fears

David fears disappointing his parents and losing their support, being shunned by his religious community, and losing contact with Jason and Josh once he goes away to college.

Morality/Religious Beliefs

Morally, David is Lawful Good and obeys the rules even if he disagrees with them. He takes his Jewish faith seriously but follows Reform Judaism.

Political Alignment

David is a progressive liberal, and often butts heads with his more conservative parents and relatives.

Call to Action

Thanks for reading and let me know if you enjoy these types of posts. Next week’s post will be on my mental health journey, so reader discretion is advised.

Also, be sure to sign up to my newsletter if you haven’t already here. And if you haven’t bought Palingenesis yet, you can snag a signed paperback copy here.

books YA

Mitten Tales 0:The Rock

Welcome!

Introduction

This is the first in what I plan to be a recurring series of autobiographical stories.

From the time I was born until age five, I was a military brat; my father worked vice for the military police, and I spent the first years of my life at the Christensen Barracks in Bindlach, West Germany, AKA The Rock. It was called so because it was a tiny town in the Bavarian mountains with only one main road that wound around the side of the mountain.

‘80s baby

Like many kids in the ‘80s, I was left to my own devices for much of the time as both my parents worked, and as kids are wont to do, I found ways to entertain myself. I’d explore our apartment and the surrounding environs, hang out with other kids in the neighborhood, and do typical kids’ stuff like have sleepovers and go to Sunday school.

One vivid memory I have of The Rock is the Christmas I found a snail outside and one of our neighbors gave me a glass container shaped like a Christmas tree to put it in and I proceeded to show it off to all my friends. One of my guy friends whose name I can’t recall had some red food coloring and put it on himself pretending it was blood.

While running up and down the stairs, I slipped, the glass container shattered, and a chunk of it pierced my left side just above my hip. My parents rushed me to the hospital, but on the way there the engine of my dad’s Nissan caught fire and he had to extinguish it with my mom’s can of Pepsi. Afterward it wouldn’t start, so he carried me the rest of the way to the hospital, all the while blood was running down my side.

Once at the hospital, the doctor jammed his fingers into the wound to fish out glass fragments and sutured me up.

Birds and the Bees

A fonder memory I have is when my sister was born.

I was three when my mother had my sister Sherrie (my brother Jamarr having been born thirteen months previously, six months premature and in the NICU all the while). My father took me to see them right after my mom gave birth and I remember being struck by how light-skinned my sister was (is still is) as she could pass for white. I also recall that my mom had fried chicken with vanilla ice cream and a Pepsi for dinner that night.

While my parents had told me I was getting a new sibling, and showed me an animated vhs tape about the birds and the bees with anatomically correct names of genitalia, it came as quite the shock to me when my parents brought home two babies instead of the one I saw.

I wasn’t happy going from an only child to the oldest.

But that’s life, lol.

There was also the time the twin girls in the apartment upstairs from us got chicken pox and my mom made me and Jamarr go play with them so we could get it too. Our case was severe, and I still have scars from where I scratched myself raw in places.

Then there was the year on my dad’s birthday when all the adults ganged up on him and striped him naked as a joke.

But the best memory from The Rock I have is of my next-door neighbor and BFF.

You Got a Friend in Me

My best friend at that time was a boy named Marcus, and he, I, and his older sisters would play house together. And he and I would play games on his computer (a commodore 64 if I recall correctly). His family and mine would also go on trips together to the beach and PX.

We and a few of the other kids in the neighborhood would hang out at the playground together and regale each other with the curse words we’d learned since our last meetup.

Being such a small town and me being so young, I thought everyone was like my family: a Black dad and a white mom. It wasn’t until we came stateside in ’89, shortly before my fifth birthday and the fall of the Berlin Wall, that I learned differently.

But that’s a story for another time.

We moved to Detroit to live with my father’s mother, and I came down with rubella. Marcus’s family moved stateside too (to Minnesota if I recall correctly), but with it being the era before social media or the internet we lost contact and I’ve never spoken to or seen him or any of the other kids from The Rock since.

Truthfully, I never had any friends later in life like the ones I did back then.

Conclusion

Thanks for reading this piece. Let me know if you want more of these stories as I have tons more to share.

Alien Encyclopedia Entry 3: Nekoshins

Introduction

Welcome back readers.

These anthropomorphic cats have several abilities, which I’ll cover in a second.

Nekoshins

The tern Nekoshin is a portmanteau of the Japanese words “neko” (cat) and “shin” (people/ nationality), so it’s the bird people (Torins) versus the cat people. Nekshins generally have fefeatures like whiskers, four-digit clawed-hands, and may or may not have tails.

Because of their home world’s, Felidea (|fee| |lid| |ee| |ah|), heavy gravity, they tend to be short and stocky. Like cats on Earth, Nekoshins’ fur can come in a variety of colors, patterns, and thicknesses. They are intelligent, strong, can manipulate energy, and their empire spans several light years.

Their bodies can endure energy blasts and only the strongest weapons can hurt them. Additionally, they have superhuman speed, strength, vision, hearing, and smell, which they use to dominate their opponents.

They can also use energy attacks and, when hurt or mad, they can go into a berserk state that amplifies their abilities for a short period. When near death they go into stasis to conserve their energy, which is directed toward keeping them alive.

Culture and Religion

They are a proud warrior race that values strength, bravery, and cruelty. They show affection by rubbing their face on their loved ones. Their primary language is Gatonese (|gah| |toh| |knees|), followed by Omnivox.

They worship Leonaides (|lee||oh| |ny| |days|), the god of strength, war, and virility. The emperor is said to be a descendant of Leonaides and is worshipped alongside him as a god-king.

Every Nekoshin must serve there years in the military, longer if they seek to become a citizen. Citizens of the Nekoshin Empire are afforded the right to vote in local elections, to work civil jobs like teachers, technicians, and law enforcement; and to have less than the mandatory five children or more.

Ranking in the Nekoshin military is designated with red inverted triangles on their necks: 1 for general infantry, 2 for lieutenants, and 3 for generals.

All Nekoshins must go through a rite of passage once they reach 9 cycles (years) where they are left on a deserted planet and must fend for themselves for a month. If they fail, they bring shame to their families and must wait another 9 cycles to reattempt it. Most who fail, kill themselves to spare their families the shame.

History

The Nekoshin Empire began as the enforcers of the intergalactic community. If a species or civilization had a problem with another one, they’d contact the Nekoshins and have them eliminate their problem.

Overtime, the Nekoshins grew stronger and realized they could be run things. From among the common folk rose a great warrior named Temis who advocated uniting all Nekoshins under one ruler, him.

Temis succeeded in becoming the first emperor of Felidea and under his rule his people thrived. But Temis knew the destiny of the Nekoshins lay in the stars. He set civilizations against each other and used the chaos to conquer their planets.

Which each emperor, the empire expanded.

Commerce

The primary currency on Felidea is the Baset (|bah| |set|), and 1Baset is equivalent to 20 Kin. Every planet under the control of the Empire must pay annual tribute to them and give them whatever resources they demand.

While they do trade with the intergalactic community, most civilization are reluctant to do business with them, and only do so because they fear reprisals for refusing them.

Politics

The Emperor of Felidea makes all final decisions and all politicians answer to him. While elections are held, its widely known they are rigged and all elected officials either bought their position or inherited it. These politicians manage the day-to-day operations while the emperor focuses on expanding the empire and keeping his people well-fed and happy.

Felidea

Felidea is in the Beta Sector of the universe, some 300,000 lightyears from Earth. It has three times Earth’s gravity and orbits a binary star system. Their days are 48 hours long and the year lasts six months relative to Earth. It has brilliant blue oceans and sea and thousands of islands and volcanoes. Some are as large as Australia, while others as tiny as a few cubic centimeters.

Due to its two suns, Felidea is prone to solar flares, the intensity of which is dependent on its orbit. These solar flares can last up to a week and can cause intense electrical storms in the planet’s ionosphere.

Weather Patterns

The planet’s weather can range from arctic cold in the winter months, scorching heat in the summer, and up to nine feet of rain in the spring and fall months.

Resources

Felidea has abundant water, mineral, and metals, which it sells. It also has advanced military technology and access to other technology such as teleportation pads, molecular printers, and faster-than-light spaceships.

It’s home to several species of aquatic and amphibious animals, such as the Afe (|ah||fay||), a giant horned fish similar to a catfish, and the Bastet (|bah| |stehd|), a golden rodent-like creature the size of a large dog.

The plant life on Felidea is nearly endless. There’s nepeta (|neh| |pee| |tah|), a red grass from which an alcoholic drink with hallucinogenic effects can be made. And Leonaides’s Breath, a blue tree whose white fruit have medicinal properties and are believed to extend the eater’s life. And Bartelea (|Bart| |eh| |lee| |ah|), a musky purple herb whose roots look like a star, which is smoked by Nekoshin warriors to bring on their berserker state.

Conclusion

Thanks for reading this and let me know what you think in the comments below. Also, be sure to share this with your friends on social media and join my mailing list.

Palingenesis ThePhoenixDiaries

Review: The Random Affair: The UrbanKnights Book 1 by James Roby

The Random Affair: The UrbanKnights Book 1 by James Roby

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

The Random Affair (Urban Knights #1) is the first entry in James H Roby’s detective thriller series and resolves around ex-Navy intelligence operative turned PI Jordan Noble as he tries to track down Cody Random, a genius chemist whose brother Jordan killed years prior. Random is out for revenge as he tries to complete the creation of Crush, a new super addictive drug with cocaine as its base.

Over the course of trying to find and stop Random, Jordan reconnects with Robin Summers, his first love, who’s now involved with a small-time drug dealer.

Let me start by saying this isn’t the type of book I usually read, but I’m glad I picked it up. The action scenes were crisp and vivid, and the plot moved along at a good clip. Though as mysteries goes this was light on actual sleuthing and relied more on hacking/wire taps to advance the plot.

I found Jordan and the other characters surprisingly complex for an action/thriller novel, and while I didn’t agree with all their actions, I understood why they did certain things like not involving the police or CIA.

My main issue with the book is its formatting; apparently the author sent the printers the eBook file because there were no page numbers, and it had a little black box at the end of each chapter, which I take was supposed to be a chapter break.

Also, there many instances of head hopping, but not to the point it made the book unreadable. All around, this book could have used another round of editing and had it been more polished it would be a solid 5.0.

I’m definitely going to read the next book in the series and recommend you read this one if you like action thrillers like Jason Bourne and XXX.

I give The Random Affair 4.0 out of 5.0 stars.

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UrbanKnights

Death of Me Poem

You’ll be the death of me.

Another season has come and passed.

Another pointless fight,

Another sleepless night,

Another reason this can’t last.

Another birthday; man we’re growing old fast.

Another evening of screaming and weeping.

Another reason for ending this.

Another reason I’m done with this hot mess.

Another chance to start anew.

I’m sick of you.

No more time to see this through.

I was such a fool,

But now I’m free of you.

Here’s to the death of the old me.

Alien Encyclopedia Entry 2: Hi no Pueriel

Introduction

Welcome!

This post will discuss Hi no Pueriel, one of the most sacred Torin holidays. It falls on October 31 of our calendar and in the middle of Avis’s summer rainy season. It’s a day set aside to honor Lukarus and Pueriel, The Golden Child.

According to Torin legend a plague befell their people, and nothing they did stopped it, So one day the chief’s son, Yahiko (|yah| |he| |ko|), which means “summer child”, fell ill. The chief cried out for help and Lukarus (|loo| |car| |us|) appeared to him and healed Yahiko and the others. In exchange the chief was to rename Yahiko “Pueriel”(|pure| |ee| |el|), The Golden Child, and forevermore pay tribute to Lukarus on that day.

Hi no Pueriel is celebrated by lighting three candles symbolizing Lukarus, Pueriel, and the First Emperor of Avis who it is claimed was a descendant of Puerile. Children are told the Tale of the Golden Child, given small gifts, and encouraged to confess their wrong doings in the hopes Lukarus will bless them.

Once the candles have burnt out, a feast is held, then everyone sings songs praising Lukarus before the festivities are called to a close with the ceremonial marking of foreheads with ash in the shape of Pueriel’s symbol, which looks like an ankh.

Conclusion

Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this post let me know in the comments below, share it on social media, and be sure to sign up for my newsletter.

Also, Palingenesis is available now.

The Phoenix Diaries YA

Hero Poem

Right now, I know

You’re completely miserable,

A complete zero.

But know,

You’re a hero!

When you’re standing on that ledge,

About to concede defeat to the enemy,

Repeat after me:

I’m a hero.

Right now, I know you’re crying.

Cuz you’re so sick of hiding

Your pain.

It’s driving you insane.

Cuz there’s no denying,

Inside you’re dying.

And something must change.

Before you snuff out your flame,

Hear this refrain:

Right now, I know

You’re completely miserable,

A complete zero.

But know

You’re a hero!

You’re not to blame

So stop with the shame

And proclaim:

I’m a hero.

Let those tears flow,

Then get up and go.

If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health or has thoughts of harming themselves, there is help.

In the US you can contact the national suicide prevention hotline at 1-800-273-825, or text GO to 741741 to reach a trained Crisis Counselor through Crisis Text Line, a global not-for-profit organization. Free, 24/7, confidential.

If you’re LGBTQ+ you can also contact www.therevorproject.org to talk to trained crisis counselors 24/7.

mental health suicide

Review Chess Not Checkers by Tony Lindsay

Chess Not Checkers by Tony Lindsay

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Chess Not Checkers by Tony Lindsay is a young adult novel that follows Thaddeus Adams, a 15-year-old mixed-race boy who fears for his life after he and his friends James and Jesus jump Earl Jacobson, their bully and a member of a local gang.

Thaddeus was likeable, but at times infuriatingly dumb, and I had to keep reminding myself he was only 15. I also liked James and Jesus; they rang authentic and reminded me of people I knew growing up in Northwest Detroit. However, most of the other characters weren’t that fleshed out, such as Thaddeus’s father and his brother Daniel. And I found his self-hating mother to be completely unlikeable and her 180 at the end of the book unbelievable and hollow.

And speaking of endings, toward the end of the book, it devolved into melodrama worthy of a soap opera and the ending was anticlimactic as hell. As for the writing itself, this book could have used tons more editing as it was full of typos and clunky, redundant sentences.

I wanted to give this book a higher score as I liked Thaddeus’s journey, but the faults I mentioned above dragged it down. I give Chess Not Checkers 3 out of 5 stars and suggest you request it from your library.

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Review: Reign of the Unfortunate by Daniel Aegan

Reign of the Unfortunate, by Daniel Aegan, is a villain punk novel set in Pristine City and follows five supervillains’ attempt to kill Cricket Man and the aftermath once they succeed.

The five supervillains are dubbed the Unfortunate Five by the media and are led by Dr. Everything, whose biomechanical tentacles reminded me a lot of Dr. Octopus’s. This is a recurring theme, as Aegan mentioned in the afterword that this story began as fan fiction, which isn’t a bad thing, if you like comics/superhero movies.

The other Unfortunate five members are Kilowatt, who manipulates electricity; Osprey, who has no powers but is a technical genius and was lovers with Dr. Everything; Bad Juju, a dark magician whose illusions are real; and Glam Gargoyle, a demoness who controls hell fire.

One thing I loved about this book is that each of the Unfortunate Five got page time, so you could get into their heads. I also loved how this book reminded me of the animated series and comics I read in the ‘90s during the height of the “Death of Superman” story arc. I also loved how Aegan handled romance in the book. It was there, but it didn’t take over the story like in so many books.

As self-published books go, this was one of the better ones. While there were typos and clunky sentences, it wasn’t to the point the book was unreadable. However, it could have undergone another round of edits to catch the things I mention above. I also thought the book went off the rails toward the end. While Aegan managed to get things back on track and wrap things up brilliantly, I felt the plot twist was only added because once the Unfortunate Five gained control of the world, there was no more tension/conflict.

That said, I did love this book and recommend you pick it up if you like comics/superhero movies.
I give Reign of the Unfortunate 4.0 out of 5 stars.

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Character Profile: Rachel Chen

Description

Rachel Aisha An Chen is 14, 5’0, 101lb, with black hair and green eyes. She’s Afro-Chinese with a light brown complexion, biromantic and asexual.

Personality

She’s friendly, dorky, and passionate about all her ships. She can be silly but knows when to be serious.

Likes

Rachel loves rap and Black culture, BL and yaoi and K drama. She’s also big into immigrant rights, LGBTQ+ rights, the environment, and is a vegan foodie.

Dislikes

She hates meat, animal abuse, bland food, entitled people, and anyone who questions whether she’s Black or Chinese enough.

Goals

Rachel wants to be president of the US and start her own vegan Chinese-southern fusion restaurant.

Desires

She wants to live up to her parents’ high expectations of her, but also wants to do her own thing. Ultimately, Rachel wants to be a force for change in the world.

Fears

She fears disappointing her parents and not being good enough at whatever she does.

Morality/Religious Beliefs

Morally, she’s Neutral Good and does the best she can. Religiously, she’s agnostic

Political Alignment

Politically, she’s very progressive.

Review: Skin of the Sea

Skin of the Sea by Natasha Bowen

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Introduction
Skin of the Sea by Natasha Bowen is a YA West African-inspired novel about Simidele “Simi”, a Mami Wata ( a West African mermaid), who is charged with ushering the souls of those who die in the sea to the land of the dead. Mami Wata have two rules they must follow: never save anyone and never fall in love or they will turn to sea foam. Simi breaks both rules when she saves Adekola “Kola”, the son of the chief of Oko, who was captured and thrown overboard by slavers.

In saving Kola, Simi upsets the cosmic balance and must go on a quest to find two rings to summon Olodumare, the supreme god of the orishas, and beg his forgiveness. If she fails, it’ll be the end of her and the other Mami Wata.

The Good
I loved the world building, the lush imagery and prose, and learning about the various orishas, the yumboes (fairies), and other creatures of West African cultures. I also liked that the romance between Simi and Kola wasn’t the focus, like in so many YA novels. It was also a joy to see Black characters in a fantasy setting, as it’s a genre not known for being diverse.

The Bad
That said, this book just wasn’t for me. Bowen spends so much time world building that the plot is an afterthought. It isn’t until sixty pages in that inciting incident takes places, then the plot lurches along at a glacial pace until the last fifty or so pages, when everything kicks into high gear.

The problem with this is two-fold. First readers are forced to slough through chapters were little to nothing happens, aside from all of Simi’s flashbacks. Second, by trying to cram half a book’s worth of plot into the last fifty pages, the writing is rushed, and the plot threads are resolved with Deus ex machina after Deus ex machina. This made me feel like the book wasted my time, when it didn’t bore me.

Moreover, all the characters lacked any depth. Simi spends most of the book being the cliché amnesiac, trying to recall her past life, that I never got a sense of her personality, if she had one. And the other characters don’t fare better. Kola is the stereotypical hot-headed young warrior, Bem is the strong silent type, Ayinka is the try-hard girl power warrior often seen in the late ‘90s and early 2000s, and Issa is the annoying little brother type who wants to prove his manhood.
I felt nothing for theses characters, so when the bodies piled up at the end of the book, I just shrugged.

Another thing I took issue with was the inclusion of the African slave trade in this book. You mean to tell me Bowen created this fantasy world whole cloth, but couldn’t imagine a world in which Black people weren’t enslaved by Europeans?

Come on!

The Verdict
Overall, I give Skin of the Sea a 2.0 out of 5. Check this out if you’re into West African-inspired YA, but rent it from your library instead of buying it. I might read the next book in the series when it comes out, but I’ll rent it from my local library.

View all my reviews

Natasha Bowen Skin of the Sea YA

Alien Encyclopedia Entry 1: Torins

Introduction

Welcome, readers! This is the first in a periodic series of blogs profiling the various aliens that will be introduced in the series. Today I’ll be discussing Torins, the alien species Prometheus is from.

Torins

While Torin is an actual name, for my purposes it’s a portmanteau of the Japanese words tori (bird), and jin (people/nationality), because Torins evolved from bird-like creatures, and they were essentially living stars.

As energy beings, Torins could control one more of the elements, had superhuman abilities such as super speed, strength, miraculous healing abilities, teleportation, telepathy, telekinesis and other psychic abilities.

Because of their body’s ability to convert half of whatever they ate into pure energy, they needed only a fraction of the food, water, and oxygen humans do. Consequently, their organs were smaller, and they don’t need as much blood. And because of Aves’s, the Torin home world, lower gravity, they tend to be lanky.

Appearance-wise, they have clawed hands, bird-like legs and eyes, and black skin owing to their planet’s three suns.

Culture

Culturally, their society was very homogenous with a caste system such that the Torin Royal Family was given leeway to do whatever they wanted while the commoners did their assigned jobs without question. Torin babies were tested at birth to gauge their power and intellectual potential.

The smart and powerful were put on the military and intelligence tracks while the average to below average were placed on tracks for childcare, cooking, weaving and other vocations. All Torins go to school for free and this was paid for by taxes leveed against all workers. Those who cannot work due to old age or intellectual disabilities are paid a basic income and looked after by their state’s local government.

Religion

Religiously they tended to be atheistic, though pockets of the old religions survived until the destruction of their home world. While they varied, each denomination shared the same tenets: (1) use your abilities for the benefit of others, (2) Avoid killing unless it’s to protect yourself or others, (3)Honor Lukarus (|loo| |car| |us|), the lord of light and love, and keep his holy day sacred, (4) keep the memories of the elders alive in your heart for one day they will be gone and so will you, and (5) when you witness evil you must stop it.

The Torin creation myth says that the universe began in a cataclysmic explosion that birthed Lukarus and his brother Kamori (|kah| |more| |ee|), the lord of darkness and fear. The brothers fought to a stalemate until a new contest was devised; out of their bodies they fashioned the universe.

Some Torins believed the first emperor of Avis was descended from Lukarus and from his bloodline a child of great power will rise. But so will a child of great evil. And the two shall do battle for the fate of the universe.

Commerce

Their central currency was the nube (new| |bay|) and was completely electronic. Commerce among Torins was regulated by local councils, which set standardized prices for good and service, so there were few trade disputes.

Torins were also renowned for their technology, which they sold on the intergalactic market.

Politics

Torins governed themselves in a bureaucratic system of representatives that started on the city level, then moved up to state, country, and finally world representatives chosen by the Royal Family. Elections for all positions were held every five years and everyone was required by law to vote. The minimum voting age was 15 cycles (years).

Language

Their primary language was Na’iva (|nah|’ |ee| |vuh|), which was tonal and sounded like a combination of Mandarin Chinese and birdsong. Na’el (|nah’ |el|) was an atonal dialect of Na’iva spoken primarily among the working class. They also spoke omnivox, a lingua franca.

History

Early Torin history is replete with wars over land and resources. However, it was The Emperor who united the warring factions into one kingdom and brought prosperity to all.

However, when the Nekoshin Empire assassinated The Emperor, his sons argued over who should take the throne. Eventually a war broke out and the kingdom split, with each prince taking a portion of the subjects to one of the four contents.

Over time, four new kingdoms formed, each with control over a different element. And that was the way it stayed until The Nekoshin Empire attacked again, forcing the descendants of the four princes to unite. After numerous generations the bloodlines were united with the birth of Pro.

Aves

Aves (|eh| |vhis|) was the Torin home world and had a polar ice cap on its northern most content, of which there were five. It featured many mountains and had a great red desert. Water was present but not as plentiful as on Earth.

It orbited three Suns and was located at the edge of the Beta Sector and Alpha Sector of the universe, approximately 4 million light years from Earth. Due to its three Suns, the days were 36 hours long and the nights lasted 12 hours.

Aves had a rainy season followed by a dry season that often had dust and sandstorms. It was also prone to severe electrical storms

It had one-third the gravity of Earth, and was home to several species of lizards, reptiles, birds, and a few mammalian species similar to Earth’s cows. Aves also featured several varieties of cacti, fruit trees, and beet-like root vegetables.

Conclusion

Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this peek at Pro’s species, let me know in the comments below.

Also be sure to share this on social media.

PS: join my mailing list (link in menu) and Palingenesis is available now!

Character Profile: Henry Huntington

Introduction

Welcome!

This week’s post is a profile of Josh’s friend Henry Huntington

Description

Henry Harrison Huntington is fifteen, five-foot-eight, and 165lb with dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. He’s allo, cis het, and white.

Personality

He’s a jockey, dude-bro type and is always has one or more side hustles going at any given time. He’s a bit of a meathead, but he’s there for his friends. He’s a bit country and can a jerk at times.

Likes

Henry loves the outdoors, hunting, fishing, and camping in northern Michigan. He’s also obsessed with working out and getting gains. While he will play video games, he’s more into playing sports like football, lacrosse, and field hockey.

Dislikes

He hates having his masculinity questioned, won’t drink anything harder than vodka and doesn’t touch weed or other drugs. He also hates when his older brothers pick on him for not being as ripped as them.

Goals

His main goal is to be more built than his older brothers. Second, he wants to major in finance and specialize in helping athletes manage their money. Third, he wants to start his own chain of gyms and a line of health drinks that exclusively use produce grown in Michigan.

Desires

Henry’s greatest desire is to be his own man separate from his father and brothers.

Fears

His greatest fear is never making a name for himself and being stuck working at his dad’s dealership like all his brothers.

Morality/Religious Beliefs

Morally, he’s neutral evil and believes he must look out for himself before anyone else. Religiously, he’s an Evangelical Christian.

Political Alignment

He’s right of center and leans toward libertarianism.

Conclusion

Thanks for reading. What do you think of Henry? Let me know in the comments.

Next week’s post will be the first entry in a recurring series about the alien species and cultures featured in Palingenesis.

Palingenesis

Miracle Music: Songs That Have Influenced the Creation of Palingenesis

Introduction

Welcome back readers!

Today’s post will discuss the role music has played in my life and how it’s shaped the creation of Palingenesis. Music has been a part of my life since before I was born. When my mother was pregnant with me, she would play Atomic Dog by George Clinton, a fact I learned when I heard the song on the radio for the first time and my mother asked me if I liked it.

Music has always been there for me when I was sad, angry, or just needed to chill. Were it not, I might not be here today.

Millennial Mix Tape

I was bullied a lot as kid and there were days I’d come home and lock myself in the bathroom with my music turned up so loud no one could hear me sobbing. I’m not gonna lie. There were days I wanted to kill myself and days I wanted to kill my bullies. I was a big old ball of rage and hurt.

But music was there to sooth me.

As a kid I listened to Motown, R&B, rap, and soul like everyone else in my neighborhood did. But things changed at eleven when I heard Nirvana perform Smells Like Teen Spirit on MTV—back when they played music instead of infinity reality shows. Eleven-year-old me connected with the undercurrent of rage in that song and other grunge bands. And as time moved on, I discovered classic rock bands like Zeppelin, the Stones, and CCR. And when Nu metal hit, I devoured bands like Disturbed, Linkin Park, and Limp Bizkit.

Their angry lyrics and guitar riffs spoke to me like nothing had before, and I’d spend hours in my room listening to them and daydreaming about how I was strong and powerful. And little by little, that was how the Idea for Palingenesis formed.

Songs as Story Fodder

When I turned sixteen, we got a cable modem, which allowed me to surf the internet at much faster speeds than dial up. Aside from all the porn I looked at, I stumbled into the world of AMV’s (animated music videos), where people made music videos of their favorite shows set to a song and later slash videos, that is AMV’s that focused on same-gender relationships.

I was, and still am, struck by the ability to tell stories by piecing together video clips set to a song. And throughout the course of writing my book, I’ve tried to make it a cinematic experience by having music play a role in the story such as when Travis and Josh bond over listening to music. Or Travis’s ability to recall in perfect detail anything he’s heard and how he uses this to help him learn various human and allien languages.

Moreover, when I don’t know how to write a scene or am stuck, I listen to music and write what I see in my head. My go to songs for fight scenes are anything by Disturbed or Linkin Park’s first two albums. And when I’m having trouble with romantic scenes, I cue up songs by Savage Garden, Ben Folds, and Trading Yesterday. I’ve also listened to certain songs to set the tone. For example I listen to I Will Not Bow by Breaking Benjamin whenever I write a fight scene between Travis and Oblivion, latter of whom is evil incarnate.

And when I’m not feeling in the mood to write I cue up Not Afraid by Eminem or Get Up by Shinedown. In fact, I have a whole playlist of songs I listen to when I’m down. If you’d like the link for this playlist let me know.

There are also certain songs like Lux Aeterna, Rise by League of Legends featuring The World Alive, and Heart of Courage by Two Steps from Hell that put me in the mood to write something epic.

On the whole, music has been a panacea to me and I hope you enjoy the influence it’s had on my work.

Conclusion

Music at its core is about the human condition and when combined with an artist’s touch, the experience can be nothing short of sublime. Below is a link to the playlist I created specifically for Palingenesis. I’d love to hear what you think of it. Also, be sure to share this post with your friends on social media and join my mailing list.