I’m Coming Out
After graduating high school, I didn’t really plan to go on to college, and spent a year bumming around, eventually getting in trouble for shoplifting and my dad gave me an ultimatum: either go to college or he’d kick me out. So, I started at Henry Ford Community College before transferring to Oakland University.
My freshman year, I tried joining a fraternity, and failing that, I joined the Gay Straight Alliance, where I met other IRL queer people for the first time and didn’t feel so alone. After that first year, I mustered up the courage to come out as gay to my mother and, eventually, my father. This was largely because I felt like I “had to pick a side” even though I liked girls too.
Like most college kids, I went out clubbing on the weekends and wound up losing my virginity to a girl one week, a guy the next, and hooked up with a prostitute a few weeks later.
Looking back, I needed my ass smacked, but yolo.
So, I spent the first half of my twenties hooking up with guys and trying to find a boyfriend. But the whole time, part of me was curious about relationships with women. However, due to internalized biphobia, I didn’t think bisexuality was real, especially not for guys, so I suppressed those feelings until me and my first boyfriend broke up.
I’m Coming Out Part Deux
Things ended between us badly. The relationship was toxic and emotionally abusive as fuck, and I should have broken up with him a lot sooner than I did. Anyway, after we broke up, I got depressed and ate my feelings for like three or four months, then I like snapped out of it and hit the gym, admittedly to extremes (6-7 days a week, 4-6 hours a day).
As I shed the pounds, my confidence rose, and I caught myself checking out the women at the gym and them checking me out.
I’m not proud of this next part, but here it is.
I got the asinine idea to make myself straight, so I got rid of all my gay porn, stopped visiting online gay erotica sites and went out to straight clubs intending to hook up with women.
Because I’m so shy I’d have a few drinks to loosened me up, but as time wore on, I had to drink more to get the same affect, which eventually led to me getting alcohol poisoning twice in six months, at which point I stopped drinking cold turkey.
I’m not gonna lie, I was an asshole to the women I interacted with and apologize for my fuckboy ways.
I wound up dating a few women and hooking up with them.
But at the end of this idiotic quest, I realized I was still into guys, but liked girls, too. So, I came out again as bisexual and have been openly bi ever since. I also try to advocate for more bisexual visibility by writing stories featuring bi and pan characters of color like me.
It’s my goal to fill the world with all the stories I wished were around when I was coming up, so other LGBTQ+ Black and brown kids know they aren’t alone, and they matter.
As for my love life?
I’ve been single for the last thirteen years and if Mr. or Ms. Right comes along, cool. But I’m fine being alone.
Conclusion
That’s my tale more or less. I have omitted some events for the sake of brevity and to protect the innocent/stupid.
What was it like for you growing up?
Let me know in the comments.
