Category: writing

Phoenix Diaries Update

Good morning,

I hope all is well with you this Friday as you’re gearing up for labor day weekend. I’m going to my parents house and I’m a bit scared because I’m going to show them my writing for the first time.

I’ve been sharing more my writing with the critique group I’m part of and figured it was about time my family read some of my work. It’s part of what Jeff Goins calls performing in public.

Anyone can write but the only way to get better is by showing it to other people. This is why I’ve set a goal to finish the first draft of Paligenesis, book one of the Phoenix Diaries by my birthday which is in a bit over two weeks’ time.

After this I plan to switch over and rewrite/edit my first book Pinky&The Brain and then begin work on Phoenix Diaries Book Two: Ouroboros. Also I have two pieces which I plan to submit to Writer’s Digest Magazine for their column Five Minute Memoir.

For those of you who have been keeping up with the story thus far expect chapter 15 and 16 to be posted to silentbutcudly.com this weekend. Instead of making you guys wait so long between chapters I’ve decided to break each chapter into smaller parts and post those every other day or so at nifty.org so as to build a following and get my name out there more.

Well later and again enjoy the weekend.

Monochromatic Madness

For decades now the gay community has stated they are inclusive of everyone hence why their symbol is the rainbow flag. However this couldn’t be further from the truth. The dominate image put forth by GLADD, GLESSEN and other LGBT organizations has been and continues to be white washed. Anyone who doesn’t fit this homogenized image doesn’t exist.

Let’s start with the number one area the media depicts LGBT people: porn. Go to any site geared to men who have sex with when and you’ll be bombarded with porno ads all depicting white chiseled guys and if a nonwhite person is featured it’s usually to play up racial stereotypes or to fetishize them.

Case in point: the Mandingo sex crazed black guy who has a foot long phallus. Or the ghetto gang banger violating the innocent little white boy. Or the hood rat hoodlum who gets dominating by the white guy. Sure you’ll see Asian and Latino guys in porn but that’s only because they tend to be lighter skinned and thus a case of but not too black.

Because remember they’re not people but sex objects, so it’s ok to fetishize an entire group of people and so what if this has an negative effect in the real world. Asians tend to depicted as submissive ultra feminine “lady-boys” who fall over themselves for even the lowliest white guy, where as Latinos get stereotyped as feisty and passionate lovers.

The bleed over effect is obvious to anyone who’s spent time on hook up and relationship site for men who have sex with men. You have profiles that say outright not into X race, but I’m not racist it’s just my preference. Right, because disregarding everyone from a group isn’t discriminatory at all, especially if your profile says you’re looking for friends.

In the past this annoyed the hell out of me however now I’m thankful for theses clowns. It lets you know immediately which guys are douche bags. Because chances are if they’re have hang ups on race you can bet your butt hole they’re also narcissistic trolls who are shallower than smoke and of course are “Straight Acting.”

Which leads me to another issue. How the larger media as a whole depicts black gay and bi guys. The only time they mention us is in the context of HIV/AIDS, or being on the DL. While infection rates are high among black LGBT persons this due more to genetics and engaging in risky behavior. Not being on the DL.

Moreover in recent years there have been sharp increases in the infection rates of young white males who have sex with males because they believe AIDS isn’t a serious threat anymore and they can just take a few pills if they become infected.

You don’t see the media ,mainstream or gay, reporting on these men who engage in bare backing and so called breeding, where by multiple men have unprotected anal sex and ejaculate in a bottom.

Nor do you see them report on all the “Straight” guys looking to hook up with other guys on Craig ’s list and elsewhere. Then there all these MWM (married white males) cruising for sex yet not a word is uttered about them. Hmm I wonder why? maybe because if they did then their customer base of affluent suburban white males would get their panties in a bunch.

The mainstream media and gay media have been lagging when it comes to more inclusive portrayals of LGBT characters. Case in point Will and Grace. Set in New York City, one of the most ethnically diverse cities in the world. But you wouldn’t know that from the show.

Moreover as much as it was “groundbreaking” it failed to show gay characters who weren’t either super feminine or masculine. This is a problem because people don’t fall into either extremes. They tend be somewhere in between.

Queer as Folk was another show which failed into include a diverse picture of LGBT life. It was set in Philadelphia, a predominately black city, yet only featured a handful of nonwhite characters, who surprise, surprise were partnered white characters.

One scene in particular sticks out in my mind. It was a mixed couple who approached one of the main characters to have a threesome. When I saw this my first reaction was seriously, you finally show a black gay guy and he’s just there to be a sex object. Epic fail. Even with modern shows like Glee and Modern Family the LGBT characters, if they appear at all, are almost always white.

For many marginalized groups independent media gives them an outlet to have their voices heard. However here too minorities are not given a place at the table. The majority of indie LGBT films are for and about white characters. Either in one of the gay Mecca’s or follows their struggle to get there from their backwaters town.

Of the few LGBT movies geared towards blacks Brother to Brother is best because it’s not only a history on how Bayard Rustin and others were treated because of their sexuality and race, but how young people of color are treated today by their communities and the gay community.

While indie publishing has opened the flood gates in terms of content much of what’s out there for LGBT people of color is slim pickings and this is even worse in mainstream publishing where the trend continues to be books featuring predominately white characters and few if any nonwhite ones.

So what can be done?

First LGBT people of color should pull their support from organizations that continue to perpetuate the whitewashed 2-D portrayal the community. Second we should get active in groups fighting for our needs and if none exist in our area, start one.

Next we should bring up these issues at round tables and conferences and if we get dismissed as drama queens or seeing a problem where none is there, then we boycott them and start our own.

Likewise if you’re tired of not seeing more diverse and inclusive portrayals of LGBT folk start creating them. One of the reasons I started writing was because I was sick of not seeing people like me.

So what are your thoughts on this issue? I’m I off base or what?

Patience and How to Go the Distance

Image by Christian Ferari via sxc.hu — Image by Christian Ferrari via sxc.hu

What are you struggling with? Right now I’m dealing with a lack of patience. Migrating to a new domain has been more difficult than I thought. Going from using blogger to WordPress has been a trying process. The learning curve between the two is steep and will probably require at least a basic familiarity with coding.

I can deal with that. The problem is I want everything perfect now. This is nothing new .I’ve always had a perfectionist streak in me that’s kept me from pursuing things ,because I get frustrated when I don’t live up to my ridiculously high standards.

The pressure to be perfect the first time every time almost killed my passion for writing. Have you ever had an experience where you felt like everything you did was crap? Well that was me. Nothing was ever good enough for me. I’d get discouraged, frustrated and say, “Fuck it, why bother?”

The truth is giving up is the easiest thing in the world to do, especially when you do it before you even start. How many times have you had an idea or made plans to do something, then found some way to not follow through on it, because you didn’t see instant results?

Writing and working out are big areas where I fall prey to this. The need to see results for my efforts and not has led to spirals of self doubt and depression. “What’s the point of it all if the results are lackluster?” I say to myself.

The point is writing and life in general isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon. You can’t jump in without training and expect to come in first. You have to pace yourself.

Start small and build on it everyday, until you’re ready for that big race. A long the way you’ll stumble, get up and fall again. But you continue until you’ve reach the finish line.

Sometimes we get so caught up in getting there we miss what’s happening along the way. So may be I’m not as far along as I like right now, but everyday I push myself to do a little better, to learn something new about writing, and write for at least thirty minutes a day.

Some days I have no clue what to write about or don’t want to at all, but I force myself to sit still and produce something. Even if it’s destined for the trash I still learned something in the process.

There are times I get stuck or lose track of what I want to say but the point is to continue until I’ve reached the finish line. So the next you fell the urge to sprint, remember you’re running a marathon.

marathon working out writing

Stranger than Fiction: How Not to Smother Your Message

Fiction is the mirror we use to reflect truths about ourselves and the world that we dare not speak for fear of rejection or disbelief. Within every story there is a grain of truth about life and us. Whether you realize this or not your work reveals more about you than you know.

For some it’s the want to change the past so they fictionalize it in an attempt to heal old wounds and make things how they “should” be. For others it’s about addressing the ills of society and calling the corruption they see.

Whatever the case fiction provides the space needed to explore these avenues as well as give an outlet to our subconscious mind. In the course of writing thoughts and emotions will well up and things you thought you were over may rear their head. This can block you from writing if you don’t acknowledged and address them.

Without noticing it more of yourself creeps into your work. A little of this is good but not to the point your message is overpowered and your characters are straggled because you won’t let them act autonomously.

The urge to make your protagonist an idealized version of yourself can be hard to resist. It’s all too easy to give into the seductive siren’s call. Who wouldn’t want to be the center of their own fantasy world?

While it’s true writers put a little piece of themselves into every character, it’s also true you can make them too much like you.

If your characters tend to think. act, and talk like you, chances are you’re using them to act out unresolved issue in your life. this doesn’t mean your characters can’t share similarities with you, but make sure their wants, needs, and aspirations are front and center.

Us writers can be a very selfish lot. We can get so enamored with ourselves we start believe everything that happens to us is noteworthy. It’s not.

Yes write about the birth of a child, the death of a loved, or some other life changing event or time you struggled through.

But save the rants about your boss chewing you out and the barista coping a snotty attitude with you for your journal. Because no one, sans your friends and family, is going to read it.

In the same vein we can become so in love with our writing we fail to see the flaws in it. How any of you out there make excuses for not putting your work out there because you don’t want to deal with rejection? How many of you have said the words, “Well I write for me so it doesn’t have to have perfect, spelling, grammar, syntax or structure.”?

That’s fine if it’s what you want to do but if your goal is to get published then you need to think about pleasing other people. This isn’t a call to compromise your creative vision to chase the latest trend, but you do have to be aware that what appeals to you won’t always appeal to a larger audience.

If you’re not aware of current and past trends in your genre you can spend countless hours slaving away on a book only to find there’s little if any interest in it. if you find yourself in this position then take heart because you’re not alone and you can always salvage something of worth in the rewrite process.

The point is while you may be the center of the world you’ve created, outside of it that is not so. You have to earn your way in and stay there by putting out content that people want, enjoy, and can’t get anywhere else. And this stars by being true to yourself while being open and respectful of others. Not by acting like you’re the greatest thing to happen to the written word ever.

messaging writing

But Not Too Gay

We all wear masks even if we don’t realize it. Sociologist Irvine Gauffman asserts all interactions are performances which we play. Putting our best face to the world and hiding who we really are behind the curtains. For a long time LGBTQ people have had to hide who they are for fear of violent reprisal, and though things have certainly changed for the better many of us still have to wear masks.

Often in literature and other mediums LGBTQ characters are forced to hide for fear of alienating audiences. Sure they can have relationships and even families, but only in the context of adhering to the hetero-normative dichotomy.

Case in point the current trend in male-male romance written by woman for woman in which a formerly straight male falls for the new effeminate gay guy in his life. For all purposes the effeminate guy is a woman with a dick. He talks about his feelings, is into fashion, and resents his lover isn’t as emotionally open as he.

Sorry but while LGBTQ people run the spectrum of mannerisms the problem with these characters is they play into age old stereotypes. Namely gay guys are actually women trapped in male bodies and that you can choose your sexuality.

Moreover same sex relationships, while similar to their straight counterparts carry with them unique challenges and dynamics that can’t be brushed aside because the author doesn’t know how or care to explore them.

You can’t take a relationship between two guys and map it to a straight one because neither of them is female. You have to address things like how their family and friends will react to them and also the giant issue in the room that’s avoided altogether in these stories.

The main issue with these stories is that they’re not realistic. Most of the plot revolves around them getting together, sharing chaste kisses and spooning. While that’s nice and all it’s not true to life.

Go to any site geared towards guys into guys and you’ll see the meme most repeated is where are decent guys who care about more than hooking up. So to treat sex like it never happens, is something only mentioned in conversation, or happens off screen is ridiculous.

If the issue is ignorance about the bedroom behavior of these couplings than there are plenty of people these authors could ask to get the details right.

However I think this is more a case of but not too gay. They’re fine with reading and writing about same sex relationships, so long as it doesn’t get outside their comfort zone. If that’s their prerogative, whatever.

But these authors should remember they’re writing about a group of people who exist and are still struggling for acceptance and visibility. While I think it’s great we’ve gotten to a point some straight people are cool with reading about LGBTQ characters there is still a genuine lack of diversity in the characters displayed. Not just in terms of their mannerisms, but also their race, geographic locations, worldviews and class status.

The main thing I take issue with is the commercialization of us, as if LBGTQ people are the latest commodity to be packaged and sold to the masses to make them hip and spice up their vanilla lives. Sorry but we are not some exotic novelty for your amusement or curiosity.

Our lives are often wrought with obstacles you couldn’t imagine and it’s belittling when you appropriate our narratives without giving them or us the respect we deserve. This isn’t to say no one but LGBTQ people can write about us, but if you’re going to do it then get it right.

Remember when people read your stories they’re not just looking to be entertained but to find validation in who they are. So when they seldom find characters like them it makes them feel like they don’t matter. The last thing any writer ought to do is alienate readers, especially ones who are already marginalized as it is.

Work Through the Pain

Does anyone else suffer from allergies? In additions to medications this past year has been a rough one for me with regards to seasonal allergies. Some mornings I’m fine, others I wake up with a stuffy or runny nose and can barely get my eyes open.

Sometimes I had to spend entire days with one or both eyes closed because of the intense irritation and photo sensitivity. OTC medicine has helped but it something that still crops up. yesterday and today my right eye has been acting up. But you know what?

I’m writing anyways, because I’m not going to let my allergies stop me from keeping on task. Sure the headaches and eye strain are annoying, but I write through it because a little bit of pain or discomfort doesn’t get to me.

So often you read about how people struggle to find time or inspiration to write, and while that is true, it’s also true that anything worth having in life you have to fight for. And that means sacrifices have to be made.

I don’t know what your issues might be but if you want to achieve your goals then that means working through the pain. I don’t just mean the physical, but the emotional and psychological pain as well. Since getting serious about being a writer many issues that I thought were behind me keep popping up.

Anger, abandonment, control issues, and other baggage from my childhood get dredged up when I write. At first my response was to tamp them down and I’d freeze up until I was calm. But I’ve since learned you can’t do that because it saps your energy and will sabotage you every time. So now when all those past issues come up I write through them and channel those past hurts into my characters.

While a cathartic experience it doesn’t address the root issue, which is why I’ve began journaling to get out these emotions and maybe help others who are going through similar experiences. I never tried to do this before and don’t know if I’ll succeed, but I’m giving it a shot anyways.

In the past I’ve pushed people away and didn’t see any value in relationships beyond what I could get out of them. I prided myself on being cold and detached, above the petty concerns of those ruled by their emotions.

The truth was I was the one ruled by my emotions. Too scared to feel anything lest I lose control or get hurt. So I deluded myself into believing I didn’t feel anything at all.But my emotions are still there, buried under the wall I built to insulate myself from the world.

No man is an island unto himself. Humans are social creatures and you need to be around others. I try to be sociable though I often find myself in awkward situation and missing social cues. It’s so easy to retreat behind the walls I’ve built, but I don’t want to be that person anymore.

If you want to change the world and have an impact on people you can’t play it safe. You have to take risk and get out those walls you built. It’s not fun or easy, and there will be times you don’t want to do it. But do it any ways because the end reward is greater than staying in the place you are right now. Sometimes you have to work through the pain to get where you need to be.

The Fickle Mistress Which Makes Fools of Us All

The way we perceive time is an illusion. Far be it from a constant stream, our memories about events is a mishmash of the truth mixed with how we wanted things to have happen.

The past is immutable, no matter how much we want to think otherwise. Things weren’t easier or better when you were younger, you were. The world wasn’t all rainbows and gum drops, you were naive.

We all have regrets but that doesn’t mean we should be a slave to them. Learn from your mistakes and move on. It’s pointless to try to change the past because then you would change yourself. Who you are is the sum of all the events that have shaped your life from the moment you were born.

We all have goals for the future but remember it’s in constant flux, so we must be open to the prospect that our plans must change if things don’t work out the way we want them to.

This doesn’t mean you stop dreaming or setting goals. No, it means being realistic about achieving them. If you find yourself in your thirties without a contract maybe it times to give up your dreams of being a professional athlete. Likewise if you’re pushing fifty maybe it’s best you give up the notion you’re still a young stud.

Cognitive dissonance is a trip that can delude us into believing things which aren’t true because they are comforting. “I can stop drinking anytime I want to,” says the alcoholic. “I don’t have a problem,” says the drug addict as she sells herself for that next hit. The point is whether you want to believe it or not the truth remains the same.

So often we get stuck pinning for a past that never was and a future that may never be we miss out on what’s happening in the present. This moment, right now is all we have. For better or worse it’s what makes up the bulk of our life.

We can drift from one millstone or achievement, or we can choose to live in the present, acknowledge the past and the lessons it can teach us, and shape the future the best we can. I thought I had everything figured out and then life came and threw those plans out the window. I’m a control freak but I’ve learned to adapt on the fly and live in the moment. The question is: do you?