Writer’s Manifesto

This is the first installment of On Writing Wednesdays, enjoy.

I got involved in writing because I’ve always loved words. I remember being five and begging my mom for a notebook and filed it with symbols in my attempt to write. As the years passed I’d make up little stories in my head, then began to put them on paper.

 I’d read the dictionary for fun and at one point thought about becoming a linguist. It was in high school that I began writing poetry. I got top marks in English and was encouraged to take a creative writing class my senior year of high school. But I declined.

 I didn’t feel like anything I wrote was ever good enough so I always wanted to go back and edit, re-edit, and edit some. The result being numerous piece that were never finished and a growing list of plot bunnies that I never got around to doing.

My rhetoric professor encouraged me to pursue writing if that was what I wanted, but I always felt torn between my love of science and words. I was twenty when  something changed in me.

I was sick of reading story after story yet never found someone like me. So I set out to write my own stories that weren’t all about the same generic WASP whose only problem was getting a boyfriend. There have been several false starts along the way but I know now why that is.

I was writing for the wrongs. I wanted to be showered with praise and fame, but that is not what writing is about. It is about transporting readers to a world they feel safe, they feel loved, and most of that they matter. I write for all those lonely LGBT boys and girls out there on the edge who think no one cares about them.

It is my mission as a writer to let them know they’re not alone. There will be times when every step is a battle but you’ll get through it because you’re stronger than you know. When you feel like you can’t take it anymore look inward and you’ll find the strength to carry on. You will fail, you will get lost, you will lose hope, but never surrender, because there will be peace when you are done.

It is my sincerest hope that my words touch some kid out there and (s)he finds that inner strength to make through another day, and another. If I never make a dime from writing so be it. There are thing more precious than silver and gold.

copyright silentbutcudly 2013 at silentbutcudly.blogspot.com

The Myth of The One: Dating and Relationships Among Gay and Bisexual men

This is the first of a weekly series called LGBT Tuesdays

From the moment we are born we are told that true love conquers all and that everyone
has a soul mate. Sorry but Prince Charming is dead and Superman aint saving shit.

The reason it’s so hard to meet a decent guy is because we only accept the love we think we deserve. Go to any site that caters to dudes into dudes and you will be bombarded with ads for porn sites, alcohol, generic Viagra and other sex aides.

A glance at the profiles reveals a laundry list of qualification to even contact the person. Chief among them no fats, fems, no blacks, or whites only. It is no wonder dating is not in many guys’ vocabulary because for them it all boils down to having the best orgasm.

We’ve had to hide who we are for fear of reprisals.
The result is an emotionally stunted community that prizes elitism and group think over inclusiveness and free thought.

Sure during Pride Month we come together to give the illusion of a cohesive group, but then it’s back to our cliques and business as usual.

When you do meet a guy who’s boyfriend material either he’s on the DL, in the closet, or is already in a relationship. Disillusioned you use sex to fill the void, and for awhile it works. Then you realize it’s not cutting it anymore. So you go back to the same hook up sites or bars and try to meet Mr. Right. After stepping over a lot of shit you think you’ve found him.

Things are going good ,but then you start to notice something’s off. It starts with little things like him forgetting important dates. Then it’s the mood swings, followed by with holding sex, and belittling you. Welcome to the world of codependent relationships.

You try to fix him but that back fires. So you brush off his less than stellar habits and hey if not going out with your friends means making him happy then so be it. Relationships are about compromise, right? Yet you are the one who always gives in because you don’t want to disappoint him.

Without realizing it you’ve been cut off from everyone else and no longer want this person in your life. Yet you fear being alone so you stay. He cheats but again you don’t confront him, and if you do he shrugs it off and says it’s your fault.

The point is you must be the source of your happiness. If that means being alone then so be it. You’re not some toy to be played when he’s in the mood then thrown in the corner.  

Questions, comments?

copyright silentbutcudly 2013 at silentbutcudly.blogspot.com

Soundtrack of Our Lives

Today marks the beginning of a new weekly series on muses. So what gets you fired up to write?

For me music is a big part of my ritual. There’s nothing like listening to a good song and letting the words pour out of you and on to the pages.

I’ll set my iPhone on shuffle and get let it fade into white noise as I plug away at my latest piece. You get so lost you don’t realize an hour or more has passed. That to me is sign of a job well done.

Often when I’m in the zone I’ll see a movie play out in my head and then the challenge comes in translating that onto the page. There are times when you just want to quit because nothing you write is as perfect as the vision in your head, but pop on a song and you’re good to go.

Whenever I write an angsty scene the go to is early Linkin Park and Good Charlotte. As for romantic scenes Savage Garden and Mandy Moore are the biggies. And when it comes to star-crossed lovers there’s no better choice than the Goo Goo Dolls’ Iris. The beautiful sadness it evokes melt me to core and resonated with the hopeless romantic in me.

If you were asked what’s the soundtrack to your life what would be the answer? For it be a mix of everything form classical to heavy mental. I grew up listening to mostly R&B and Hip Hop then when I was about 11 I discovered Nirvana and the grunge scene which led to hard rock and alternative.

The first band I was obsessed was God Smack. I must have to listened their self titled LP a hundred times and still enjoy it this day. Linkin Park was another band I was deep into during middle school. On particularly hard days I locked myself in bathroom and cried as I listened to Hybrid Theory. I got heavy into Disturbed during eighth grade and finally saw them in concert a few years back( they rocked the fucking house).

So tell me what bands or musicians have influenced or inspired  you the most?

copyright silentbutcudly 2013 at silentbutcudly.blogspot.com

Cliffagedon

                   

As the fiscal cliff draws near ,with no deal in sight ,how did we get here? The answer is simple. President Obama allowed the republicans to use the debit ceiling as leverage last time a round and that led directly to the looming sequestration cuts.  Obama has also failed to lead on this issue.

 Instead of pushing a grand bargain, he should have had Congress draft multiple  bills so that when he and Boehner reached an impasse they could table the current bill and move on to the next one.
Thus this would have streamlined negotiations and provided ample time to vote on these bills, so at the very least they could have extended the Bush Tax cuts for those making under $250K.

 More over doing a piece wise deal like this would attract more republicans and conservative democrats, who are reluctant to sign any bill that isn’t deficit neutral.

If a deal isn’t reached it could be a good thing. The number one driver of our debit is not from social security or other “entitlement programs”, it’s our massive defense spending.

There is ample to cut there while still remaining strong. Nearly half of all defense spending goes to private contractors who do things the armed forces have traditionally done or things which they can do for a fraction of the cost. What’s the point of having an army corps of engineers if you don’t use them?

More over, had Obama pushed for a red line that triggered retroactive cuts to the benefits of members of the House and Senate, the do nothing congress would have been compelled to do something. This could be achieved by reinstating the talking filibuster come January and then bring a vote to the floor.

Yes everyone will have to tighten their belts if we are to get our fiscal house in order. But why should the working poor and elderly take the brunt of these cuts?    

copyright silentbutcudly 2013 at silentbutcudly.blogspot.com

Tracks

A few days ago a storm dumped six inches of snow on us. As I made my through the unplowed streets on my way from home the market it struck me.Life is like finding a path in the snow.

Sometimes you follow the tracks of others, but they’re not a perfect fit so you wind up distorting them. Other times you must find your own way. There are times you stumble or get stuck, but in the end you’ll get to where you need to be.

copyright silentbutcudly 2013 at silentbutcudly.blogspot.com

Atheism in the Wake of Tragedy

When news of the Sandy Hook massacre hit I tuned it out because I didn’t want to be apart of the media circus that has since ensued. But ignoring a tragedy like this is exactly how we as a society have allowed this to become the new normal.

When Columbine happened the standard whipping boys were trotted out: music, bullying, video games, and violent movies. Yet the point people missed was that school shootings had been an issue in inner city schools for years and no one cared, because “That couldn’t happen in my backyard.”

It’s this detachment that has allowed things to get so  bad. Parents buying chest armor or bullet proof backpacks for their children is now acceptable.

 Every time we shrug our shoulders and say “There’s nothing I can do  about it, so why should I care?”, we abdicate personal responsibility.
If Sandy Hook demonstrated anything, it was that this is what it took to finally wake people up.

Something has been rotten in this country for awhile. As social animals we live in communities and thus our actions effect everyone around us. When we choose to do nothing we are complacent to the outcome. Does this mean we can save the World? No but we can choose to make our part of it better during the finite time we are alive.

The key is to take accountability for ourselves and not reply on the government or a higher power to solve our problems. We are the ultimate arbitrators of our destiny. Having Jesus take the wheel absolves you of any responsibility. If the outcome  is good then thank God. If it’s bad then God works in mysterious ways or it was Satan.

Being an atheist means the only person you have to blame if things turn out bad is yourself. It means looking at Sandy Hook and not asking where was God, but how did we let this happen and what can we do to prevent it from happening again.

The fist step is to engage in dialogue about sensible gun control laws. Enforce those on the books and stiffen the penalties for straw purchasing and illegal sells of guns. Close the gun show loophole and reinstate the assault weapons ban. There is no logical reason civilians should have access to military grade weaponry. If you can’t get the job done with a ten round clip then a 30 round one wouldn’t help.

Moreover, if you think you can go toe to toe with the full might of the US Armed Forces you’re delusional. That was the case when the second amendment was written but not today.

We also need to address the ease of access to legally own guns, because in this case the gunman used his mother’s arsenal to kill her then carry out the massacre. Having guns in the home increases the likelihood of violence. Guns are used 40% of the time in domestic disputes. Moreover, accidental shooting of loved ones and suicides account for 32,000 deaths a year.

Stand your ground laws have led to the questionable shootings of two teens in recent months and need to be examined. Self defense laws already have in them mechanisms to determine legitimate claims, while SYG laws give blanket immunity to anyone who feels in danger of their lives. SYG has also been invoked in several gang shootings in Florida.   Thus having a gun is not a deterrent for violence, and if you choose to have one in the home make sure it’s secure.

While the shooter’s state of may have contributed to his actions, when the media makes a point of over emphasizing it they’re reinforcing the stereotype that the mental ill are violent. The fact is most people suffering from mental illness aren’t the madmen you see in movies or on TV. They just aren’t. With proper medication, a support system and therapy they live lives no different from everyone else.

Furthermore, harping on his mental state leads to further stigmatization of the mental ill and contributes to them not getting the help they need ,out of fear of being label a psychopath. More than that it again takes the onus of responsibility off the shooter.

He chose to kill his mother. He choose to shoot his way into the school. Chose kill the guards there. He chose to fire round after around into those children who were guilty of nothing more than being in the path a bullet.

He also chose to take his life in the most cowardly way.
If you’re going to commit suicide then do it. Don’t blame anyone, or involve anyone else. Own it, because it’s the greatest protest statement you can make.

When Mike Huckabee pontificated that Sand Hook was retribution for taking God out of our schools he should have been excoriated by everyone left, right and center. First the supreme court ruled in McCollum v. Board of Education that schools couldn’t sanction religious observances. However students can bring their Bible or other religious texts to school for reading for pleasure time, and that can pray before tests and meals, as long as they follow two caveats. First they can’t proselytize. Second they can’t disrupt the other students. Moreover, The Bible can and is taught as literature so long as the teacher follows the caveats above.

Second ,by injecting religious and political ideology into the discourse he muddies the waters and further polarizes an already split nation. The fact is humans have been finding new and inventive ways to slaughter each other since the dawn of time. The moment we unlocked the power of atomic energy we had the means to wipe out all life as we know it. So why give credence to a religion that says there will be no peace until the end of the world. The fact is we all have good and evil within us and all I’m asking is we choose good over evil. Not because of a higher power but, because it is the logical rational thing to do.          

copyright silentbutcudly 2013 at silentbutcudly.blogspot.com

Infinite

Recently I made a promise to write more, but didn’t stop to ask myself an important question first. Why?

 The answer seemed obvious. The same reason we do anything, because we want to.

But then I began to ask myself, is there a deeper reason?

I could do any number of things with my time , so what’s so special about writing?

Yes it appeals to my need to create and make order out of chaos, but so to do my other passions: art and music.

My relationship status with working out is complicated. When I’m in the moment I love every sweaty, grueling second of it. I live for the moment when I don’t think I can lift another rep, but then I look inward and find the strength to carry on. It washes over me and all that I am burns with the fire of my will. Nothing maters because I am infinite.

The next day my body lay in ruins and I ask myself why do I put myself through this. I ponder whether to rest or drag myself to the gym. Some days I make it, others I don’t, but the answer is always the same.

Because I wouldn’t be happy until I feel those flames again.

Here in lies the reason I write. To tap into this inner well and make manifest the indefatigable spirit that dwells within it. More than that, to let others know this same strength is in them.

What makes you feel infinite?

copyright silentbutcudly 2013 at silentbutcudly.blogspot.com

What’s the Point

 The reason I started this blog was because much of the research I’ve read says you need a one if you want to get a book published, but honestly I don’t don’t see the point. I mean some stuff says you should blog every day in addition to posting multiple tweets, guest posting and writing guest articles. Jesus when am I suppose to actually work on my stories if I’m constantly doing all this other stuff? I mean I’m not lazy. I do try  to write  every other day if not everyday and when I’m not writing I’m doing research for up coming chapters, editing older chapters to tighten them up, and reading.

I guess I should introduce myself now (a bit cliche but fuck it. Not like anyone’s reading this thing anyways.). My name’s Tyerone, I’m about to turn 27 and am from metro Detroit (And no that’s not a typo. It was my mother’s brilliant idea and that extra e has been such a pain in the ass over the years.). I was always a huge reader thanks to my dad ,who to this day carries a paperback or his kindle with him where ever he goes. In school I was an English geek( I used to read the dictionary for fun) and always did well on my assignments. So as the years passed my teachers encouraged me to get into creative writing, though I was more into science and majored in general physics in college. I’m a massive perfectionist when it comes to my writing, and others for that matter, so even though they told me I could write nothing ever met my high standards. I’ve since then learned not to be so anal retentive. After all that’s why they call  them rough drafts right. I got into writing fan fiction the summer after graduating high school and started off with a dragonball z what if fic about Gohan. Then I got into the Harry Potter series with a god awful self insert fic that’s so bad I will read through and ripe on it MST3K style (A bit of a reminder how much I’ve improved .).

Growing up in Detroit, 6mile& Grand River area, was not the best place if you’re into dudes(unless you’re on the DL but that’s another topic all together). So rather then getting my ass kicked for trying to hit on the guys in middle school and onwards I spent my time reading so called gay high school romance stories online. Over the years I got sick of the same cliched stories about some white guy who’s hotter than a model and is smarter and richer than God but can’t seem to find a boyfriend (do not want). And if they ever was ethnic diversity the characters were either walking stereotypes or fetish fuel.  It wasn’t just that these characters were often WASPS that I resent, but that they never stood up for themselves and all their problems went away once they hooked up their boyfriend, who was just a less attractive clone of them. So I decided to create my own stories were the characters to fall in love after knowing each other for a few hours and who stood up to the bullies and their parents and didn’t depend on their Prince Charming to rescue them. That in a nut shell is how the Phoenix Diaries was born. It’s my take on deconstructing a lot of these net stories interwoven with sci fi, fantasy, mystery with sarcastic nerdy humor thrown in there as well. It’s kind of a cross between Superman and the X-men with various elements from anime and manga in there. The first time posted It online i got a few review but stopped writing it due to lack of reader feedback. Since then I edited the first chapter and have up to chapter ten written. I’ve actually gotten more feed the second time I posted  and have meet some good friends in the process. One review David sent me a long ass review saying how he loved the fact the protagonist wasn’t an average white guy and how it wasn’t the trite boy meets boy plotline he use to reading. When I read his review it made me smile because that’s way I write, and hey if I can make a living doing this cool.       

   

         
   

copyright silentbutcudly 2013 at silentbutcudly.blogspot.com

Manhood

A man does not turn his back on his friends or break his word. He finishes what he starts. A man does not run when things get difficult. He stands and faces what lies in his path, steadfast in the knowledge that no matter what, he gave it his all.  He does not let pride stop him from asking for help when he needs it. He sees a problem and fixes it. He knows when to lead and when to follow. He knows respect must be earned before it can be given. He admits when he is wrong and does not gloat when he is right. He humbles himself before his god, country and family and defends them until his last breath. He analyzes his weaknesses, improving them where he can, and accepts where he cannot. A man knows that strength isn’t measured by muscles, but comes from within. He knows when to be strict and when to be lenient.  He does not confess with his mouth, what his heart knows to be untrue. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness. For he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children.  But most importantly a man speaks up when the situation calls for it and remains silent when it does not.
copyright silentbutcudly 2013 at silentbutcudly.blogspot.com

Not Afraid

So I went out tonight on a whim to the gay bar near my house. They were doing karaoke so I decided what the hell and put my name in the cue and waited my turn. Now I’ve been there plenty of times but always chickened out because I can’t talk all that well. So as my turn approached I started panicking. What if they laugh at me? What if I mess up the words, etc. So when the DJ called my name I took a deep breath and started to sing Stand by Me.

At first no one could hear because my voice was so weak, but after the DJ restarted the song I did better. Now my performance wouldn’t have won any awards, but you know I had fun and took a major step in conquering my fear of talking in public. As I was leaving I got to thinking, What was I so afraid of? I have no more control of how people react than I do over the fact I’m black or that I’m bisexual. So my question to you is this: Why let fear rule us? How many times have you not done something because you were afraid of what might happen. FDR was right, the only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.

copyright silentbutcudly 2013 at silentbutcudly.blogspot.com